Enjoy the Silence

Welcome Back 2011

2011-02-07T00:06:00.003+07:00

It surely been a while since I last wrote stuffs here.

So suddenly it's February 7th the year of 2011, a rabbit year according to Chinese astrology.

In general, rabbit year is a year full of love. Year that is good for mating, starting a new relationship, moving forward as in tying the knot, and make ready to deliver a dragon descendants. There are some good dates, like 20-11-2011, 11-11-11, 11-02-2011, 1-1-11, what else?

As for me a rat sign, supposed to be a year full of calm and peace much needed from a wrecked-ship of tiger year passed and a dragon year ahead. If that's so, I wish a year could go much longer than this -12 months 365 days- eternal.

Resolutions.

I stated out clearly on Twitter a few things as well so called resolutions:

1. To be able to drive my own car on my own

2. To be able to use Adobe Photoshop and Adobe Illustrator

3. Maintaing my gym regime by doing at least 3x carbo session a week and yoga 2x a week, umm let's just make it 2x carbo session and 2x yoga ok? 2nd months of the year and I show sign of defeat already- god spare me

4. well..it's a secret but a few hint. It is like going international ;p

Ok fine that was a little too much for me. That was more on the professional side.

On the more personal side, I'm aiming to be a little loose? Oh, that doesn't sound right I know.

But no more uptight, complex, complicated, and judgmental. I wasn't that bad but I will be more approachable by now, promise :p Oh speaking of which, I need to remind myself about that a lot: smile, smile, smile, even if you have to fake it. It won't hurt just to give anybody a fake smile and at least pretend they're so damn interesting. Note to self, I quoted this somewhere "an interesting person is interested" or something sounds like that.

Anything else?

Be more productive with your spare time miss. Which exactly what I'm trying to do.

Look good, feel good, get more out of life. Sounds familiar? Someday that's saying is gonna lead me somewhere. The road is long and winding.

xoxo

Yesterday & Today

2008-11-02T21:14:00.006+07:00

I posted 100 random things about me on March 7th 2007, that's more than a year ago.
When I read it over again. I disagree about a few things, and I'm going to write it off my list :)

1.i'm used to think i am special
~~2.i know i am better than anyone else, yea right..~~
no, i'm happy to admit i'm just about average
3.i have something more, ~~always~~
let's just say most of the time
~~4.i am the best to have around, in like no way~~
i'm non conversationalist
~~5.things are deep and complicated with me,~~
yup i'm Keeping It Simple Stupid ;) so much relieving.. it's time to simplify
~~6.please don't surprise me with uncertainty, it'll drive me insane~~
i'm glad i took the slow lane this time. enjoying the whole process and gaining so much more than i thought i could. life is a lesson my dear and i learned mine well.
~~7.please don't tell me to wait, i'll go anxious and grow curious~~
i've waited 3 years alone, 10 years of failing relationship stories, and 24 years to be with him. my precious.
~~8.definitely definite, no promises for vain~~
no promises but no regrets at all. i'm gonna say it again, i'm glad i took the slow lane. not knowing where the journey ends equals the gratitude expression for every little delightful surprise i'm receiving. and it's been an amazing journey. alhamdulillah, i made it safely.
9.if you won't give me exact example, i'll guaranty you
with 10 prominent worst things could happen
can you take it as my effort to stop cursing?
10.i'm a master of excuses
i still am ;p
11.go fuck yourself
i believe everyone deserve their privacy :)
12.i'll get what i want when i want it, no point in lining-up
but i gain too much patience now
13.yes, that means i'm a vicious hunter
i'm a soft spoken and well mannered hunter hehe
14.oh please, i'll ~~hurt~~ tease you with devious words, no need asking
the word is tease, i meant no harm
15.it's obvious with me, i can't pretend
16.smart-ass is my best feature for vengeance
17.treat me nice and i'll treat you nicer,, ~~when i need you~~
~~18.all of you just my petty criminal~~
19.i'm calm and confident but you don't wanna be around me when i explode
i uhh,,won't burst on you. just don't stare at me. i can cool down if you just let me, leave me alone?
~~20.backstabber? a sounds alike idiom~~
let karma do it? i'm busy with life atm ho ho ho merry christmas
21.dare to be troubled? hell yeah, bring it on
cause i'm just good at being bad,, if i'm in the mood. but it rarely happens nowadays. maybe i change?
22.somewhat peculiar is one helpful trait to be centered
i didn't mean to be weird, it's just that i'm born strange xp
23.i'd like things to be arranged and oredered first, no scrambling me around
24.love me love me cause i'm lovable,,teehee,,love to be loved
I AM I AM I AM,,i'm looooved :D
25.maybe i'm not telling you but i'm going to show you 'cuz
26.action speaks louder than words
yes yes,,i love you more than that :D you might not heard it so often, but i'll show you. no worries ;)
27.second chance is for friends only
28.play it nice, play it wise
29.truth hurts but ~~that's what i like doing~~
what can't kill you makes you stronger baby. so don't be afraid to face the truth
30.i'm steady as the wind blows, ~~bring barometer next time~~
just communicate with me, it's easy.
31.when you're tied up in some dark room, don't come crying for me ok?
like i care
i'm not much of a caring person. but i'll be there if i'm needed.
32.driffs draffs, cut to the end. what was the point?
33.do your best while you still have time doing it.
i don't like looking back to the past and regretting
34.what's done is done. care for another try?
~~in games maybe,,~~
35.i fix what's need to be fixed. another things broken,
find another person to fix it.
36.be aggresive, be mean, be greedy, be exaggerate
= be passionate
be passionate
37.colorful lies to imply the black and white truth?
anybody but me
38.silence is golden baby
39.do what you want not what they tell you to
40.i'ts the same with living your own life not others
41.harsh,, harsh,, i am raw.
~~42.i care about me and only me :D~~
well i have people i REALLY care about
43.decency is what i have not
or thats what i thought
44.mind your own business, back of you nosy
45.you better learn mind-reading, you'll need it to deal
..with me
just be patient and talk to me :)
46.watch that stare, you're such an understated, get it?
or if you don't have the guts to deal with me, just don't get irritated ok?
47.i have no time to nod up and say hello
means i'm such an ultimate ignorant!! helloo..
48.it's not my purpose to be lazy, i'm just enjoying my time
49.i'm a superjoy, a person who really love this life as
a vivid image
50.i can inspire you so follow me
51.globally changing, don't you just stuck in that moment
52.life goes on, haven't you heard enough?
53."what can kill you, makes you stronger"
i said that before, i say it again. a fighter like christina said
~~54.drastic dramatic~~
no no no no more drama for me, had just about e.n.o.u.g.h.
55.tears are easy to produce, ~~so much drama in me~~
no no no no more drama for me, i'm just easily touched and moved. quite sentimentil really.
56.ups and downs, highs and lows, i'm a rollercoaster ride
ride the wave baby,, rock and roll
57.more more mooore,somewhat addictive ;D
moan baby moan
YEAH YEAH YEAH i'm good i'm good i'm good
58.seductive/provocative/~~trouble maker? same meaning~~
59.there's a fix monotone part, static as the metronome ticks
60.you can say what's on me eclectical,, because my core is fixed
61.don't judge a book by it's cover. lame?
well, time changes. what's used to be good is not so good anymore
time ripped it off
62.the worlds used to spin around me, it's not like that anymore
63.i take time to think and wait, patient contradiction!
64.i am not that special, just a mediocre..corrected..
65.boasting and bragging is not that fun anymore
66.strongwilled, with a point
67.don't just give, ~~take..~~
receive is much more appropriate
68.you can't lose what you never had
69.what you need maybe just around the corner,
all you need to do is just turn your head around
he is around the corner! :D :D :D and i did turn around
70.happiness waving for you but you can't see it because
you don't want to
71.just a little effort matters, what's small to you maybe big to others
72.pride is a virtue
and patience is always is a virtue, my friend
73.being nice is no nonsense.
sometimes talking nonsense is a nice thing to do haha
74.don't think to prejudice, nothing good will gain
75.love is not blind
if you let your mind leads your heart where to go :D
76.against all odds is currently a life's track
77.being extraordinary takes extra attempt
78.practice makes perfect
79.don't think you know, 'cause nothing finite
80.everyone deserves a second chance, including you
81.happiness isn't what you buy it's something you make
82.there's good in anyone eventhough it's different in size
83.no pain no gain, concurrenttt
84.twice harder, twice better gt loh
85.practice makes perfect maaan
dood,,i said that before!! sorry for the repetition.
86.the smooth criminal
87.someone not to mess around
88.knowledge = money = power
"knowledge is power but character is more"?
i'll add money for everything
89.liberal plus concervative, care nontheless? byfar...not ortodoks
90.love being sarcastic
they said, a sarcastic person is a caring lover. i am :D
91.cheap not easy.
you know what tori says, assholes are cheap today
cheaper than yesterday
92.i am bipolar xD dualism controversy of this and that
93.just do what i told you, catch & go
controlling much?
94.you shouldn't let gooo of me
95.i like things to be done quickly,
geez..such an instant generation
96.cynical and skeptical, something i would and wouldn't
97.stoopidly pacified
easy to be pleased,,too easy sometimes
98.a growing bud? i'm nurturing a future me
99.perfectly imperfect perfection trying to be perfectionist,
or just trying so
100.boys a/be-ware!
no you don't need sign for that
i'm glad a finally found a suitable one :)

2nd Trim

2008-01-03T23:02:00.000+07:00

SECOND TRIMESTER IS COMPLETELY DONE. I'm in the middle of my holiday while writing this. let me sum up what happened when i still have these memories in mind.

the trimester started without myrda, she is now a stewardess.

we had a sensitivity training at kinasih. one of many interesting thing we've been through. the session is all about sharing your point of view, your background and etc. its about active listening as well and you'll get your feedback. a closer bound and a better understanding among others is your result. but its also a chance to start new, be better and wiser which is very hard to do in just one night.

we had "class meeting" a sport competition against each batch. no myrda means sucks percussion. i can't replace her as the command of cheering session. and i lost on ddr, yay me.

company surveys, each company for each class except financial management. operational management, marketing management, and human resource management. this is the thing that made me lose contact with reality. i even forget life sucks balls and that boys had em..
other than group assignments, I'm mediocre in tests! i feel really stoopid this trimester. ~~"

we held career days, though I'm not part of the committee but tis all good. free lunch xP
and yea that cute IT boy with his suit is a nice thing to see *hint hint* his name is hereee,,

i was a program manager of marketing battle through advertising. and also replacing Rilla as MC, yay. tireeeeed. but fun :D i get to know people i didn't. a lot of surprises but one thing i learn the most here is that you should never underestimate the power of hope and faith!

the whole class is really hating this one! i just laugh. it was meant to be a marketing day. but umm yah well go ask THAT faculty member, mr. AG of his definition of marketing day. i assume he mistaken it as seminar. but more important for me is that makeover i made to Icha :D she was celebrity of the day. god I'm so talented xP

exam exam went away like crazy. unforgettable final financial management where my laptop dies on me! wtf?! and all I've studied gooone gone like *poof*

time of celebration, r*ckstar night, had to use my talent again haha screwing people up. well i contributed my service at least. make ups, wardrobes, even hair dos. mmh mmh meh. we sang, head banged, screamed, and jumped around like nuts. there was a little rave and body slamming,,boys.

no no it doesn't end there. i still have to do some make up for Christmas eve. so much that I've done i should be getting paid from now on. but I'm generous lol.

and last but not least. BUSINESS PLAN team. it screws everyone. the thing is mean, its like natural selection. unfriendly to those bad genes without surviving potential,,including me. gladly its settled, all we have to think of isss the topic -now that i decided on finance major- wee!

grateful

2007-11-13T12:01:00.000+07:00

bersyukur

atas apa yang kulalui, yang telah terjadi
semua yang baik semua yang buruk
semua telah menjadi pelajaran dalam hidupku

bersyukur

atas sedih yang kurasa saat ini
atas sesal yang tak bisa kubagi
atas ceria dan bahagia yang tak terganti
atau kata-kata pelipur lara hati

bersyukur
kumiliki apa yang kumiliki

bersyukur
tidak punya apa yang tak seharusnya
tidak mendapatkan apa yang tak dibutuhkan

bersyukur
masih tidak tak seberuntung itu

bersyukur
masih dapat menghargai yang tak semua orang miliki
masih dapat berusaha untuk mencapai yang belum dimiliki
masih punya banyak pilihan dalam mengarahkan hidup ini
masih punya kesempatan untuk menghargai dan dihargai

oh i wish i could do something for people
not just for me

and i wish you could hear, lend me your aid
i'm keeping my faith

anyway

2007-11-09T23:23:00.002+07:00

we had a great day overall i suppose, despite of the heavy rain.
we enjoyed our visit to dharmawangsa, and of course-irresistable
we had warm and lively dinner. too bad marcos wasn't with us xD
so it was just only me,tomey,ronny,and icha

:D

i hope our batch win the futsal and basketball competition
cause i lost on ddr already,,shame on me,,

and i really enjoyed yesterday as well because, well
first: the secret revealed. second: it was an a ok texting session. third: we won! and that moving blackspot on the court is there too ;P

Yay

2007-11-09T23:19:00.001+07:00

i create an account on wordpress,,but its not that userfriendly so,,

moment of truth

2007-11-09T22:59:00.001+07:00

huah,,howdy?
what have i done? i have spare time but i didn't write or even read.

just found out something interesting.
it's satria arya aka tia jun. just knew that he was the mysterious sms guy.
all the while i'm looking all around for his number, this guy can be so silly.
-and off the record: gaptek-
duh..

my friends have comment for him "so yesterdayyy gitu loh"
cape dehhh..fyuuh
ganteng tapi gada semangat idup mukanya
and he don't reply to me, damn he's so famously retarded busy

and yeh i move on.

Karaoke day!

2007-10-20T17:20:00.000+07:00

weekend

2007-10-20T17:09:00.000+07:00

It’s been too long since my last post.
Busy.

I’m enjoying my mid-trim holiday. I have two days left, today and tomorrow.
Yay.

Today I watch another Takashi Tsukamoto’s movie. It’s called About Love.
I love it.
The story was about three different love stories, each in different cities: Tokyo, Taipei, and Shanghai.
Love story between people with different background.
Tokyo scene was about an encounter between Japanese painter woman (Misaki Itoh) and Taipei guy who is a cartoonist.
Taipei scene was about Japanese guy (Ryo Kase) supporting the heart-broken Taipei girl.
Shanghai scene, my favorite, where a Japanese man (Takashi Tsukamoto) learns foreign (Chinese) language and dumped by his girlfriend who lives in Barcelona. Then, the land mother’s daughter fall in love secretly with him but him didn’t realize it until a year after.
This movie was filmed in 2004. I downloaded it two days ago.
It reminds me of "Turn Left, Turn Right" and "Paris, Je t’aime"

Yogyakarta 2007

2007-10-20T17:07:00.000+07:00

I had GREAT holidays. Very different than my annually visit to Yogya, this time I actually enjoyed it. The alternative road through Pantai Ayah, plus, we missed the Ied praying. Ha-ha.

We went to Ambarukmo Plaza –Amplas. I played Time Crisis 2 at Timezone, along with my cousin and my uncle, yay, while my sisters and others were strolling around other retail stores and my parents shopping groceries at Carrefour.

We then ate lunner, between lunch and dinner, at Red Bean. It was Delicious!

Next stop was Gramedia. It’s always like me, to buy books, and didn’t read it until let’s say, years after. In fact, my friends might borrow my books that I haven’t read and took it with them before I realized those books gone and they’re nowhere to be found. Duh.

We went shopping at Bringharjo market. We bought different kind of things this year, mostly batik. Batik clothes, batik bags, and sandals. After shopping, we went around Malioboro streets by Andong –four wheeled chariot horse-drawn vehicle. Then I took a sip on local cendol ice stall continued by another round of wedang ronde drink. It was delicious.
We took a LOT of pictures.

I worked on my HR presentation slide. Yay.
I downloaded Never Ending Wonderful Story concert. Yea.
I became a slave of facebook. Dong.

I missed ice skating. Anyway, Yogya’s new mall –Saphire Square- has skating ring. Maybe I’ll try it next year.

We didn’t swim at Menukan’s Village Inn this year. We didn’t swim at all. Because I’m fat. Ha-ha, No. Because we just didn’t.

We had a big family gathering at my eyang’s house. Early in the morning people were busy cleaning up the house. The preparation took the previous two days. We all thought it’s going to be big…nah, it wasn’t that big.

We were fooled by Pak Bondan’s Mak Nyuss recommendation. We tried Cak Koting’s fried chicken. It was so-so. The sambal was pretty pedas though. Oh, you should read about our sacrifice to eat there that I’m about to tell you. Not worth it.

We went to Happy Puppy, karaoke time. And the food was too expensive, darn it. Next, we struggle to find something good to eat. Cak Koting’s place was our first option but by the time we arrived there -7 pm sharp- they already running out of food to sell. I still can’t believe it. So, we drove around the city to go to another place but it’s not opened yet. Last resort, we pray for Bu Santi’s –famous for its hot and spicy sambal bawang. We got there, and it’s closed! Sadly, we ended up by the side of rice field, by the ordinary warung tenda that also sells fried chicken and friends. And it’s the worst thing ever. The sambal is not tasty at all. Make us lost the appetites. And the owner was pretty stingy. She doesn’t provide spoon or fork, so we have to eat by our fingers. She counts the napkin used, even limits the kobokan water. Damn, what a suffering.

So, we planned a revenge to eat at Cak Koting’s the day after.

Till next year then.

On the way home, we stop by Bude Ratna’s house in Semarang. We took the northern path. We saw Lawang Sewu building at a glance while passing by. It’s not like what I’ve imagined.

After Semarang, the other city we passed by was Tegal. My dad insisted to do online trading that night. So we were looking for a good spot. So happened, we found our favorite family restaurant, Pizza Hut, at Pacific Mall. So we parked and ate there. The taste is somewhat a bit different, I don’t know why.

finally

2007-10-20T17:06:00.000+07:00

Oh, before I forget. Just one night before our depart to Yogya, I bought 3 Cuties and 1 Zipper mags at Kinokuniya PIM2. Ha-ha, yes. It’s my remedy.

Enjoy the rest of your holiday, please..

2007-10-20T17:05:00.000+07:00

I still can’t face reality. Holiday is only two more days. Aaargh.
Someone’s suggestion “Enjoy da rest of ur holiday”

Oh, I’m going to miss facebook. It’s useful for killing time in holidays.
I have a pet, dragun type, named Foie. It means fire in French if I’m not mistaken. Please pet it if you happen to browse through my profile okay?
My monsters and my slayer, I have to increase their points.
And Paz, she’s my lady bounty hunter. She’s level 2 now, she still needs training. She also loves to pick up a fight that I can’t give her tonight.
Someone’s suggestion “Enjoy da rest of ur holiday”

Tonight I should forget about it. I have case 2 of finance waiting for me. I’ll read it if I’m not too sleepy tonight.
Someone’s suggestion “Enjoy da rest of ur holiday”

Well, I am enjoying the rest of the days.

Tada, Kimi wo Aishiteru

2007-10-20T17:04:00.000+07:00

I watched Tamaki Hiroshi other movie, Tada Kimi wo Aishiteru. The international title was Heavenly Forest. Looove it. I like the heroine too, played by the cute actress Aoi Miyazaki. She reminds me of my friend, Keni.

Fortune Cookie

2007-10-20T16:58:00.001+07:00

A fortune teller told me, I should be an anchor woman that I would fit in television screen. What about a writer? She said, most likely a small-time cheesy romance writer. An architect? Yes, your daddy has connection an you’ll depend on it.

Another fortune teller. Should I study the general management or focusing on business in fashion? I’ll run out of ideas, he said. So, I should consider the MM program.

Why did you accepted in Architecture UNPAR, which said as the best university in south-east Asia for architects, if it wasn’t meant for anything? What human can’t answer nor control, God knows. What’s written on my palm that any fortune teller may predict, God knows. Why it took me a year to finally continue my study again? After an effort to run my own business? God knows. I’m running a plan, God’s plan.

I can only plan my future to-be. Made decision and changed paths. By these choices, does one know? I don’t. God knows.

I’m just doing my best,
Enjoying the present,
Cherishing every hours,
Just simply living this moment.

aug 8

2007-08-27T22:00:00.001+07:00

.aug 8.

phew, i'm so tired.
i can't move my leg.
the wound still hurts so much. it feels hot like burning.
and i find bruises, right around the wound on my left thigh. another spot on my right thigh. and a spot on my abs. it's black and blue all over.
i'm having trouble in shower time. i'm washing my body, like a baby bath. i'm using small wet towel to wash parts of me one by one. it's like the longest and most careful bath i've ever take. i'm afraid to wet my wound.
my arms feel weak, very weak.
we were steering with power. duh.

and oh, i still have an appointment to meet tari today.
so, i dress up quickly. try to stealth out without being captured by my father. but the plan fails.
he quickly recognized my door opening. and hurryly taking me to the tps. so i vote. for adang, of course.
but it's not as long as i imagined it would be. or because i'm showing up late. haha.
well, after that i meet tari in pim, again. most of the stalls not opened yet..
so we stroll stroll and strollin around.
pim 1 to pim 2 to pim 1 again and again.
my mission is to buy headresses as many as i could.
so we're looking all over pim to search for it. and i buy like a dozen headresses. well, more actually, haha..
we're having lunch at gokana teppan. just a comparison to it's bandung brach at ciwalk. doesn't taste much different but tari prefers the gokanna teppan at ciwalk.
next, we're heading to the cinema. there's no the simpsons in the 21. so, we're buying the xxi ticket of the simpsons the movie for 15.40 pm.
phew, it's another one and a half hour and we don't know where else to go. oh, except oh la la or j.co? j.co it is. and the don moccino donut kills me! it is! it's like oh very del.icio.us! oh you should try, the hot chocolate tastes like cadbury or something melts from the top and then suddenly a cappucinno filling bursts to your mouth and it's like.. it's driving me crazy! although i'm messing up in every bite cause the filling just won't stop flowing out from inside the donut and i just have to suck it out.

dam dam daridam. the simpsons extremelly hilarious. love it. like alwaysss,,
and outside the theatre i met chii! gosh, i've always bump into her anywhere, everywhere

and i crave for another big bag. so i buy one. and books. but i'll wait for my parents to take me to the bookstore next time.
haha, that's all about today.

aug 7

2007-08-27T21:59:00.003+07:00

.aug 7.

yippie, finally today's the day.

go to campus, collect my paper.

register class for upcoming trimester.

and have fuuuun!

and where the hell tomey is?
he's the party planner for today but he shows up late!
and boi's blaming me for the uncertainty!
what to do, where to go, why are we still sitting here?
how am i supposed to know, i was just spreading the news from tomey suggestion!
ya ya ya so the option was bowling or picnic.
the bowling idea objected, because it's an uninteractive sport.
the picnic idea objected too, because there are some person doesn't like outdoor activity.
so we go toooo,,benton junction. yes.
finally, i want somewhere far far away from pm and there we go.
it's a long long way to go there though, almost like 1 hour or more.

and there we are!

far away from prasetiya mulya!

and mulan kwok is in a shooting process!

and we're so hungry!

before everyone shows up, me tomey, and hono rushs up to find some real meal. to the noodle planet. all the while, boi and myrda left behind in bizzy bee something. yumm,, lovely,, the food is good.

blabbing blabbing blabbing

where to go next? carita? anyer?

yes! no? why? too far, it's getting dark.

ok. so, go karting it is. to the speedy kart!

it was SO MUCH FUN. dood, you should try!
though i cut my thigh open and left with bleeding wound. but it's a must :D
well, next time i'll wear some thick trousers or jeans not a legging. what a lesson.

hehe..
and all the while, boi and myrda's having a problem. the car won't start. so they have to go to repair it somewhere. bad luck.
while we're having heavenly fun, they're stuck. with malvin and arya. poor guys.

we're suppose to be celebrating myrda's advance in career. haha.

aug 5

2007-08-27T21:59:00.001+07:00

.aug 5.

actually i've finished the eco paper since like yesterday but i'm not that sattisfied.

well anyway today i went out to a seminar with my father. it's an online trading with pas system seminar.

yada yada yada, i envy the speaker.
he's young and wealthy, i suppose, he doesn't entitled to an office but his home.
he travells half of this world and showed us his pictures, such a showoff bums.

after couple of hours in citraland hotel's banquet. i ended up enrolling for the next beginner training. although they offered special price, it was a high price still.

and i still have to finish the eco paper. duh.

aug 4

2007-08-27T21:58:00.001+07:00

.aug 4.

well, yesterday was fun.
we went out, banggas, me, arie, erica, dewi adi, ronny, hono, titi, to celebrate! what did we do?
as always, we went to pim,
grab a meal at wendy's!
it was arie's first time in wendy's haha..
anyway it was arie's first time hanging out with us
after that we decided to watch a movie but we were too late so we went to timezone instead :D

we dress up as adult but we act like children

friday, aug 3

2007-08-27T21:57:00.000+07:00

.friday, aug 3.

finally, exam free!
no more presentation for a month!
no studying or paper writing!
it's holidaaaay,,

so much to do but argh there's still one paper left to be finished, economics! yaiks!

and one more news, i don't know this a good or sad but myrda is now a trainee stewardess in sq airlines!

holly cow, i'm jealous. and i'm gonna miss her definitely! she's one of my comrades in this battlefield full of land mines so called prasetiya mulya business school.

she's going to postpone her study here. well that's what she said, perhaps she'll just leave and fly over the globe gladly. haha, go myrda!
i'm so happy to hear that she has a motivation in this life, at least now i know. that's her dream job. isn't it wonderful to be able to reach it?

bless you myrda. and god bless me too please. i still need an encouragement to finish eco paper. huhu..

movie nights

2007-08-27T21:35:00.000+07:00

I´m gonna add something to my dorama wishlist :

.~~Kekkon Dekinai Otoko~~
.~~Kizarazu Cat's Eye~~
.~~Teppan Girl~~
.Tokyo Tower
.~~Kimi wa Petto~~
.Swing Girls
.Warau Michael
.Himitsu no Hanazono
.Tsubasa no Orensatachi
.Puropozu Daisasuken (Proposal Campaign)
.Byakkotai
.Gachibaka
.Letter from Iwo Jima
.Long Love Letter
.Sore wa totsuzen Arashi no
.Ikebukuro West Gate Park
.Lunch Queen
.~~Nodame Cantabile~~
.~~Taiyou no Uta the movie~~
.~~Tanaka san go~~
.~~Nana 2~~
.~~Heavenly Forest~~
.~~About Love~~

berarsitektur

2007-08-02T17:25:00.001+07:00

bebas tugas horeee...

setelah minggu lalu dapet project dadakan yang ternyata datelinenya cuma seminggu! akhirnya bisa bernafas legaaa,,

pfyuuuhh.. udah lama banget nggak make autocad, sketch up, n architectural desktop. tapi berhubung project kemaren ngerjain 3d interior, jadi lebih jago sedikit sekarang :D

tinggal tunggu payday aja hahaha
ngomong2 itu honor pertama dari kerjaan ngarsitek! waaaw, ayahku pasti senang.

anyway by the way busway,
minggu terakhir kuliah trimester 1.
tugas numpuk.
project cb -paper dan presentasi- baru selesai kemaren.
tugas personal ob, belum diedit, masih harus dikurangin 5 halaman!
ma? hmm,, baru mau dibaca kasusnya.
economics? tugas group maupun individual masih tanda tanya? apa kabar dengan presentasinya kalau begitu?
trus minggu depan udah ujian. kapan belajarnya? haah,,

hari ini ngerjain ekonomi aja gimana?
tapi buku harry potter baru menanti untuk dibaca.
ya ya ya,, main feeding frenzy 2 aja dulu
deh. setuju? ;P

recap agenda

2007-08-02T17:22:00.000+07:00

uwoow,,ternyata udah 2 minggu nggak nulis apa-apa ya. ya kecuali yang 8 halaman panjangnya itu...

hmm hmm, gimana klo recap kegiatan aja?
mulai dari mana ya?
-26 juni. graces coming to town. habis dia tes hadiprana janjian di foodcourt pasaraya. ngobrol panjang seputar update lovelife grace yang lagi "on a high". lanjut ke plaza senayan, kinokuniya dooong pastinya! hahaha...zipper dengan cover ueno juri, men's voi dengan cover hiroshi tamaki, dan kera bulan juni langsung saya beli :D lalu trio musume reunited at oh la la cafe. makan es krim. trus pulang.

-28 juni. nggak sabar nunggu jumat.weekend destination : bandung!

-29 juni. selesai kuliah, langsung berangkat ke city trans. jam 1 dari jakarta langsung menuju bandung kota kembang. sampai kira2 pukul 3, dijemput pacar tersayang. lalu makan es krim di "i scream for ice cream" wow..es krim homemade yang lumayan enak. melanjutkan perjalanan ke blci, nungguin grace les jepang. ehh,,tiba2 ada insiden "ryan eh ameer.." ternyata dong ternyata memang ryan bukan ameer. gw kesaaal! dasar cowo brengsek, beraninya mempermainkan grace! poor grace. untung gw ke bandung kan? malam yang terasa sangaaat panjang.

-30 juni. akhirnya hari ini tiba! siap2 ke kampus. beli bunga buat wisudawan wisudawati. ternyata banyak juga yang wisuda ya, ada lichan ewok uwie tray pomping eja rangga s2dea dan ekong! eh jupri ma dana juga ya? ya akhirnya ekong lulus juga haha.. vina memperkenalkan pacar barunya, edo. jean nggak dateng pdhl si jayen dateng. trus eh ada daud. penting ya? nggak juga sih, cuma dia tetep kurus dan keren, hiks. selesai red carpet, foto2 ama teman2 sayang trus makan. lalu yang paling kunantikan adalaaah...potong rambut di la diva! uwah, pokonya potong rambut harus sama mas ajat. aaah enteng sekali rasanya. yak yak pulang ke rumah grace, siap2 buat kondangan! wahahaha, sepanjang jalan aku memarahi grace senang sekali rasanya melihat orang yang lagi bego gara2 suki suki desyo..fu fu fu fu fu. busyeeed jalan ke secapa maced ced ced, mentang2 anak harry roesli yang nikah, pasangan artis. hehe..sampe sana ternyata timun si pengantin wanita pingsan, kasiyaan. kecapean banget tampaknya. yak, setelah basa basi dikit langsung bergerak cari makan yang gak bisa basa basi huhuy. kenapa gw ga bisa jaim di depan makanan ya? cowo ganteng vs makanan enak? aah,,perut ini memang tak mau diajak kompromi hihihi. ya ya ya foto2 lagi. eh ada daud lagi. hahaha. ya udah abis itu pulang deh. mau ngumpul di pvj? ah tapi udah kemaleman, ya udah pulang aja.

-1 juli.uwooow,,cape sekali kemaren jadi tidurnya pulassss. hmm hmm hmm, grace udah buat janji ama diabolos buat karaokean. hehe dasar yang lagi mellow pengennya nyanyi lagu emo emo emo. oh emosi jiwa raga. akhirnya bisa karaokean juga di nav, 2 jam saja cukup. eh ternyata gak cukup deng. mana lagu korea jepangnya nggak ada. ya udah, lanjut lagi. eng ing eng, bagian paling seru nih. kita ke surya sumantri. trus ketemu satu tempat karaoke keluarga, judulnya arirang. jeng jeng jeng jeng, kok gelap ya tempatnya? kok sepi ya? kok lantai 1&2nya kaya bangunan belum jadi ya? kok ada bartendernya ya? loh loh loh..tunggu apa itu? kok ada cewe pake tank top ama hot pants di ruang tunggu ya? kok ada bartendernya ya? kok ruangannya kya lorong hotel ya? kok lampunya ijo yaaa? kok kok kok resepsionisnya vulgar dan norak ya makeupnya? kok dia malah nanya "oh, mau karaoke?" kirain mau apa? kok kok mahal ya? 80ribu sejam, minimal 2 jam? kok kayanya nggak jadi aja yuuk. kok angel masih niat nyari daftar lagunya ya? eh ternyata ada hikaru genji. bah...pelan-pelan, diamm, kabuurrr. anjirrr,,di depan ada tulisan dicari pemandu lagu wanita, cantik, usia...-no comment ah- yaaa, abis itu balik lagi ke nav giant hypermart, ternyata disana ada lagu jepangnya! huhuy, 2 jam 100rb deh. belum pengen pulang, ke pvj, liyad2 muter2 mampir ke daiso beli takoyaki murah dan enak di papaya! hmm,,nikmaddd. abis itu tengah malam ke stasiun menjemput nyokap grace. gila cape,,masih syok juga,,

-2 juli. ah hari terakhir di bandung nih. ngapain ya?? eh pengen nonton hemat di blitz. ihiy akhirnya ke pvj lagi. hmm hmm nonton apa ya? transformer aja ya. ternyata filmnya panjang juga. seru kocak garing keren. ah bagus deh. trus menunggu waktu keberangkatan ke bandung nongkron dulu di mocha blend. ih ada abege2 yang nyebelin duduk deket2 gw banget. males ih, ngehalangin pemandangan indah aja. ahuuu,,seorang pria yang manager bukan ya?? yah kita tinggalkan saja masalah itu pada grace untuk diteliti lebih lanjut.

-3 juli. sakit. sial, ini semua gara2 graaace. dia yang pengen sakit kok jadi gw? ya udah tidur aja. titip absen ke lily. thank ly.

-4 juli. masih sakit. sakit hati juga berantem ma bokap pagi2. ya udah komplikasi deh. ga ke kampus. nitip id card ama abang banggas aja. tidur lagi. eh kenapa sih hari ini hp ribut terus? sms siapa sih? hm hm hm oooh ya ampun,, ternyata paman archie!! waw, sudah lama tak mendengar kabarnya. tumben dia sms. eeh, bunyi lagi hpnya. waaw, sekarang ichan. eh dia mau main ke rumah. ah, ya sudahlah sekalian menjenguk saya. huihuihui. ichan mau ke malang yaa, oleh2nya yaaa.. fu fu fu

-5 juli. akhirnya masuk kuliah lagi. aku melewatkan pertandingan ddr dan we pdhl seru katanya, hiks.

-6 juli. ditunjuk sebagai peserta selling competition menggantikan maming. dasar, gw sembuh maming sakit. hmm,, si myrda lagi aneeh. dari kemaren kyanya. ada masalah apa sih doi?

-7 juli. selling competition! asyik ke pasar mayestiiik. jualan baju, beli jajanaaan. jalan2. foto2. makan2. lumayan deh, ternyata dengan laba 27ribu bisa jadi juara 3. ihiyy,,nggak nyangka. cape banget sih jualan 2 jam aja. udahannya pulang trus ketiduran, cape berad. eh sorenya dibangunin disuruh ikut kondangan. asyiik makan2 lagiii.. roast beef dan baked potatonya uennaaaak banged dahhh. nambah 2 kali saya! trus tidak lupa kue2 kecil, puding, dan teman2. waw. ketemu banyak orang! keren2! waktu ditanya kapan nikah? masa bokap yang jawab, pacar aja nggak punya. iih salah siapa coba? trus ditanya lagi, syaratnya ketinggian ya? ya kata bapak saya harus punya kepribadian om, mobil pribadi rumah pribadi tabungan pribadi, la la la. biar bisa ngadain resepsi kya gini. hahaha.. yang nggak kalah keren, ketemu mirell aka iyeng! waw. dia menyapaku duluan. dia masih mengingatku!hahaha,,

-9 juli. nomat di citos nonton mati keras versi 4. hmm,,popcorn. gila dapet tempat duduk di depan banget yak. setelah itu, por!
seruuu seruuu, basket menang, aldi ganteng jadi topscorer boss! futsal menang juga dong!

-10 juli. por lagi. basket menang lagi. sayang futsalnya kalah. hiks. eh ahot berantem ma geri di lapangan waktu dia bantuin anak 32 main. ngek ngek ngek..

-11 juli. ngerjain cb wendy's lagi. gapapa. pelajaran buat kita semua, klo ngerjain harus selalu di backup. pertandingan all star. la la la. ada yang seru,, berhubungan ama yang kemaren tapi gak boleh disebut.

-12 juli. final basket. kalah. ditelvonin mulu lagi. bete.

-13 juli. ah tanggalnya nggak enak. tanggal 13. hari sial. kerja kelompok trus pada ngajakin nonton harry potter di pim. gila penuh banget. ga kebagian lah pastinya. makan di wendys! baked potato chilli and cheese, kentangnya enak, frostynya juga enak. hmm,, kenyang. malam ini harus dispute settlement. grace, gantian deh gw yang mengalami malam yang panjang. yang akhirnyaaa,,8 halaman panjangnya. hhh,,cappeee deeh

-14 juli. tak bersemangat. tiada tenaga. semangat idup terkuras semua. untung ada yoppi,, haha. lebih fresh jadinya. hmm, ngomong2 udah lama ga pake cad jadi susah banget ya. eeeh, indonesia vs arab! ada mas boi nggak ya? brengseeek kalah di menit2 terakhir hiks.. lanjut mengerjakan ob. tidur.

-15 juli. sekarang. ah rasanya berbeda sekali dengan kemarin. segar bugar nih. ngapain ya? oh ya beresin kamar. nonton tv! udah lama nggak nih, eh ada kattun di music station! bisa gilaaaaa, itu akanishi jinnya kok ganteng mampus ya? aih feromon mas feromon jangan ditebar-tebar gitu dooong..minta diperkosa yes..uuh. pirate master! akhirnya nonton ini juga! seru! hmm hmm hmm masih mengkhawatirkan desain yang ga beres2. uuh,,

dooong

2007-08-02T17:18:00.000+07:00

pagi ini hening sekali.

masih jam 8 pagi ternyata.

jadi aku cuma tidur 4 jam saja.

aneh, tidak seperti biasa.

hari yang berbeda.

aneh, aku tidak merasa apa-apa.

kenapa?

entah, seharusnya..seharusnya tidak seperti ini. ini tidak seperti biasa.

mukaku pucat sekali.

mata berkantong dan ada lingkaran hitam di bawahnya.

tetapi bibir ini merah sekali.

tenggorokan kering.

badan ini merasa dingin.

sedikit demam mungkin.

apa aku sakit?

tidak, aku tidak sakit.

aku baik-baik saja.

hanya saja kepala ini terasa berat sekali

banyak sekali yang harus kutumpahkan keluar

tetapi mulut ini sudah kehilangan keahliannya

tinggal jari-jariku saja yang mampu bekerja

wah aku menangis,

air mata yang tanpa tanda tanya

aku sendiri tidak mengerti kenapa

ketika aku memikirkannya, aku tidak dapat menjawabnya

tetapi sedih ini begitu terasa

sesuatu yang tidak dipikirkan tetapi ada

sesuatu yang tidak diramalkan tetapi terjadi

ada sesuatu yang hilang di hati ini

mungkin seperti itu rasanya

bukan, bukan sakit

hanya sedih sedih sedih

rasanya seperti tebing kesendirian yang bergema

bunyinya.. tidak ada bunyinya

rasanya seperti "dooong.." bunyi gong

tidak ada yang menjawabnya

tidak ada apa-apa

hanya gaung saja yang terasa

tidak, tidak ada yang bergetar di dalam sini

kalau memakai istilahnya tiaranya satria, "sepi sendu sedih sendiri"

tya get hold of yourself

slow down, catch a breath

slow down, i can't follow where you're going

aku menangis lagi

ketika aku menyadari

aku tidak sepenting itu tampaknya

sungguh kecil arti keberadaan saya

kenapa air mata ini terus mengalir?

aku tidak menginginkannya

aku tidak dapat menahannya

ketika aku melihatnya

tampak seperti jurang kehampaan yang tidak ada dasarnya

aku tidak ingin jatuh kesana

walaupun badan ini terasa lebih ringan sekarang

walaupun angin kesunyian bertiup kencang

kapan penyesalan ini berakhir?

menyesal atas segalanya

tidak, tidak pernah terjadi sebelumnya

tidak dapat dijelaskan dengan kata-kata

kemarin tidak sekarang iya

tidak, sebenarnya tidak perlu disesali

memang sudah seharusnya terjadi

rasanya harga diri ini sudah jatuh kesana

aku tidak dapat mengambilnya

aku tidak lagi dapat meraihnya

sudah benar-benar tidak berharga

sudah sudah sudah

aku gelas yang terlalu penuh ya?

yang sekarang lepas dari genggamanmu dan jatuh dan hancur dan sudah tidak perlu dibentuk lagi, tinggal ganti saja dengan yang baru

ya ya ya aku tahu

aku mengatakannya pada diriku sendiri

tapi tidak ada yang mampu menggantinya

tidak ada yang mau menggenggamnya

apa sih yang aku bicarakan?

sudah tidak perlu dimengerti lagi

there was someone so dear i knew

and he's no longer there

he wasn't there long before i knew he's gone

and i never knew that he's gone

don't get me wrong

he still stands where he is

but whatever inside him i can't tell

i don't know that person anymore

i'm losing it. he's dead.

aku menyusulnya kesana,

ke alam hampa udara

i can't barely breathing

sesak sesak sesak

only this silence echoing

sia-sia, dia tidak ada

why it has to be you?

i wish i knew.

i wish i had chance to say goodbye.

i wish he could tell me.

i wish this is someone elses story but me.

(still on sunday morning, up to 10.12am)

8 halaman panjangnyaaa,,hiks.

2007-07-16T14:55:00.000+07:00

untuk lebih jelasnya, dijamin tidak akan membingungkan bagi pihak-pihak yang membacanya, kali ini saya akan mendeskripsikan secara jelas oknum-oknum yang terkait dalam tulisan saya kali ini.
dan untuk oknum terkait, segala tulisan saya di bawah ini dilindungi hukum dan disaksikan oleh Tuhan Yang Maha Esa.
jujur apa adanya, tidak ada "campur aduk masalah" seperti yang telah dituduhkan kepada saya. tanpa unsur plagiarisme dari pengalaman orang lain.
segala yang tidak pernah disebutkan sebelumnya karena memang tadinya tidak dibutuhkan.
toh tidak ada yang meminta penjelasan dan kejelasan dari saya kan?

ditujukan kepada : beriman juliano aryo drajad yess,, halo abjad! kau disana? hah, sit back, relax, and enjoy!

first of all
i have a song for you, it's called it ends tonight by the all american rejects

--

your subtleties, they strangle me
i can't explain myself at all
and all that wants and all that needs
all i don't want to need at all

the walls start breathing, my mind's unweaving
maybe it's best you leave me alone
the weights is lifted, on this evening
i give the final blow

when darkness turns to light
it ends tonight it ends tonight
just a little insight won't make this right
it's too late to fight it ends tonight

a falling star, least i fall alone
i can't explain what you can't explain
you're finding things that you didn't know
i look at you with such disdain

now i'm on my own side
it's better that being on your side
it's my fault when you're blind
it's better that i see it through your eyes

all these thoughts locked inside
now you're the first to know

--

ha ha ha
i really really like this song before
i just never thought it would be ME to sing it

Abjad, such a very kind and tender person to me
I think of him in a different way
a person so pure and gentle

so he said he liked me
i didn't know that before
he said he tried
maybe i'm not that sensitive anymore
he got me confused right
like when you realized all this time your very close friend has a feeling for you
i got shocked, a heart attack
just when i'm about to decide what to do about it
to rearrange my feelings for him
he said it, he's with another girl
ha ha ha
what a joke?
what? i'm the joke
no no no
of course not
he didn't mean it that way
i felt left behind, oh i'm dumped i said
of course not he said

can you see my problem here?
ok fine, i'll say it once more
do you see my problem if never explain it?
ok great, now you translate it
how can i see you problem if you never explain it?
(thanks to tegan and sara, really love their lines)

Abjad, pernah denger istilah NATO?
No Action Talk Only
You are one good example what MEN SHOULDN'T DO
Hey, don't blame me. It just happens so.
Memangnya yang bilang "Kenapa kita nggak jadian aja?" cuma ada anda seorang ya?
Memangnya yang bilang "Kenapa kita nggak jadian aja?" melalui media telepon cuma ada anda seorang ya?
Memangnya yang bilang "Kenapa kita nggak jadian aja?" melalui media telepon yang tidak terdengar serius cuma ada anda seorang ya?
Memangnya salah menganggap anda tidak serius ya?
Memangnya pria jaman sekarang selalu seperti itu ya?
Memangnya pria jaman sekarang tidak mau berterus terang secara langsung (tatap muka .red) menyatakan perasaannya untuk membuktikan kesungguhan ucapannya ya?
Memangnya pria jaman sekarang tidak bisa memberanikan diri lagi untuk berterus terang sama sekali ya?
"your subtleties, they strangle me"
Memangnya semua kata-kata itu selalu ada artinya? SAMPAH
Memang sampah tidak ada artinya.

Abjad, pernah denger kata AMBISI?
Pernah, tetapi itu bukan anda.
Tanpa ambisi tidak akan pernah terjadi apa-apa.

Sekarang tidak ada artinya.
Untuk seorang Abjad "Oh ya Tya, seseorang yang pernah saya sukai"
Perhatikan kalimat di atas baik-baik. Past tense.
Sedangkan buat seorang Tya "Oh ya ampun, Abjad pernah suka?Kapan?"
Lalu apakah kenyataan yang baru saja Tya sadari itu hal yang dapat dianggap sesuatu yang biasa saja?

"Tentu tidak, kan anak saya minum combantrin"

Menurut regu Abjad "Kan awalnya berteman, kenapa akhirnya nggak bisa berteman juga?"

"Tanya kenapa?"

Menurut regu Tya "Karena tiba-tiba gw tau lu suka ama gw, karena gw tadinya menganggap lu temen deket gw, trus ketika gw tau akan hal itu lu udah jadian ama orang lain, lalu posisi gw apa?"

Tau sendiri kan lanjutannya "Ya udah temenan aja?"

Ada yang protes kalau gw bilang masalahnya belum selesai disitu aja? Oh Abjad ngacung.

Ok, gw akan menjawab kenapa. Kalau seorang Abjad adalah teman biasa mungkin semua ini tidak akan terjadi. Ah, tampaknya seorang Abjad ini bukan teman biasa saja.
Hampir saya menyebutnya sahabat saya. Susah sekali untuk hanya berteman saja dengan seorang pria.

Ok, gw akan menjawab alasannya. Abjad secara singkatnya adalah orang yang sangat penting bagi gw. Begitu pentingnya hingga itu bukanlah hal yang biasa saja ketika saya mengetahui dia pernah menyukai saya menjadikan itu suatu hal yang akan mereposisi kedudukan saya. Yang ketika gw tanya kepada Abjad "dimana posisi gw?"
Jawabannya "di posisi yang tinggi"
Baiklah, akan saya terima.
Kini, saya merasa dicurangi. Saya ditinggalkan.
"a falling star, least i fall alone"
Oleh seseorang yang hampir saya sebut sebagai sahabat saya sendiri. Saya tidak tahu apa-apa. Saya tidak tahu dia pernah menyukai saya. Begitu saya mengetahuinya, dia telah beralih pada orang lain.
Hah, disinilah masalahnya semakin besar.
Saya dianggap apa? Apa? Apa? Apa?
"the walls start breathing. my mind's unweaving"
Tidak perlu dijawab, saya sudah tahu jawabannya.
"and all that wants, and all that needs. all i don't want to need at all"
SAMPAH
Tidak sedalam apa yang saya rasakan.
Tidak setinggi apa yang saya harapkan.
Bukan, bukan hanya sekedar percintaan semu ya.
Maaf, kadar kesetiaan gw lebih daripada janji suci pasangan baru. Lebih dari komitmen seia sekata saja.
Bukan itu. Saya lebih memilih menjalin tali persahabatan yang murni. Ya, yang tanpa imitasi tanpa pemanis tanpa pengawet. Saya lebih memilih kebenaran yang menyakitkan daripada menghiasi hari dengan mimpi yang menyedihkan.
Lu harus tau gw seperti apa dan gw akan menerima lu apa adanya.
Lu boleh bilang gw kaku atau datar atau tanpa imajinasi.
Pertemanan gw yang memang seperti itu, spontan-jujur-tanpa tedeng aling-aling-tanpa pamrih-tanpa sungkan-tanpa basa-basi!
Oh, anda tidak menginginkan basa-basi di percakapan terakhir kita. Tetapi betapa kontras dengan perilaku anda ya? Betapa basi. Sebelum menjadi bubur, nasi itu keburu basi. Sekarang akhirnya menjadi bubur basi.

Percayalah -oh, kau sudah tahu pastinya- i know what i'm doing right?
Baiklah, anda tahu posisi anda dimana?
Di atas, di posisi yang tinggi.
Atau setidaknya, tadinya. Used to be. You were there. Now you Rest in Peace. Saya tidak akan mengganggumu.

Maaf, jika anda menyalahkan saya tidak pernah berusaha.
Saya sudah mengatakannya, saya berusaha meraih kesana hanya saja apa yang anda usahakan tidak pernah sampai pada saya.
Maaf, jika anda menyalahkan saya tidak pernah berusaha.
Perlukah saya yang tidak tahu apa-apa ini berusaha apabila anda yang tahu semuanya tidak benar-benar berusaha?
"i can't explain myself at all"

Maaf, karena saya tidak sensitif.
Maaf, jika anda mengira saya menolak anda.
Maaf, karena saya tidak merasa pernah menolak apa-apa.
Maaf, karena saya tidak pernah melonggarkan pagar sampai serentangan tangan seperti yang anda minta.
Maaf, jika ternyata memang setelah saya menyadarinya saya kecewa.
Maaf, apabila semua sudah terlambat dan berlalu.
Maaf, karena semuanya salah saya.
Maaf, karena pada awalnya saya sangat menyukai anda.
Maaf, saya menyukai anda sebagai teman saja.
Maaf, jika hal itu membuat anda mundur tanpa berkata apa-apa.
Maaf, untuk mengingatkan bahwa mungkin saja hal itu tidak bijaksana.
Maaf, untuk mengingatkan bahwa mungkin saja saya dapat lebih menyukai anda apabila dan hanya jika anda telah memenuhi syarat-syarat yang belum saya cantumkan.
"i can't explain what you can't explain"
Maaf, saya tidak pernah memberitahukannya kepada anda.
Maaf, anda tidak pernah mengatakannya kepada saya.
"it's my fault when you're blind. it's better that i see it though your eyes"

Sungguh, saya sangat menyesali pernah singgah di hati anda.
Sungguh, saya sangat memikirkan anda.
Sungguh, saya sangat menyayangi anda.
Sungguh, sangat menyedihkan kehilangan anda.
Teman yang luar biasa.
Teman yang sangat baik.
Teman yang tidak biasa.
Sekali lagi. Saya terpana, takjub, kecewa.
Rasa ini. Semua ini.
Diri gw yang sekarang ini. Bukan. Bukan yang seperti anda pikirkan. Bukan, gw tidak berusaha mengubah diri gw menjadi orang lain. Ini semua adalah bagian dari gw. Bagian ini tidak perlu disesali. Karena gw tidak menyesal dengan semua ini.
Orang yang saya kenal selama ini.
Hilang. Entah kemana.
Orang yang mana? Orang yang membuang orang yang tidak menguntungkan bagi dia. Orang yang oportunis. Orang yang akan menyalahkan orang yang tidak membuat dia bahagia. Orang yang selalu ingin berada di atas. Orang yang tidak suka mendengar orang lain bahagia. Orang yang selalu digerakkan emosinya. Orang yang apatis. Orang yang antisosial. Orang yang individual.
Mungkin belum dapat hilang sepenuhnya. Pagi ini saya menyadari semuanya.
"when darkness turns to light,it ends tonight it ends tonight"
Saya tahu apa yang seharusnya saya rasakan.
Seharusnya saya merasa marah, karena harga diri saya dipermainkan. Perasaan saya diabaikan. Kenyataan tidak membahagiakan saya.
Tetapi bukan itu yang saya rasakan. Kosong. Saya tidak merasakan apa-apa. Sedih.
Entah mengapa rasa sedih ini begitu dingin, saya tidak bisa menangis.
"a weight is lifted, on this evening i give the final blow"
Abjad, mungkin kamu mendengar betapa suara saya bergetar malam tadi. Bukan untuk menahan tangis. Tetapi saya sangat terkejut karena saya tidak menangis.
Saya ingin marah, tapi untuk apa?
Saya ingin menangis, tapi untuk siapa?
Abjad, pada akhirnya saya menyerah juga.
"just a little insight won't make this right, it's too late to fight"
Benar saya tidak dapat berbuat apa-apa.
Benar anda juga tidak dapat memperbaikinya.
Benar apa yang saya ramalkan, hingga pagi ini saya belum tidur juga.
"it ends tonight, it ends tonight"
Benar apa yang saya rasakan. Sekarang akan saya katakan semuanya.
"all these thoughts locked inside. now, you're the first to know"
Sekali lagi. Tak akan terganti.
Sungguh, saya sangat menyukai anda.
Sungguh, saya sangat menyayangi anda.
Sungguh, saya sangat bersabar menghadapi anda.
Sungguh, saya mengalah demi anda.
Sungguh, saya ingin mengerti anda.
Sungguh, saya akan berusaha mengerti anda.
Sungguh, anda memang berharga.
Sungguh, saya sangat berharga.
Sungguh, saya tidak ingin terluka.
"now i'm on my own side"
"it's better than being on your side"
Akan lebih baik melukai anda.
Tetapi sungguh saya tidak ingin melukai anda.
"maybe it's best you leave me alone"
Sungguh, akan lebih baik anda bersama orang lain.
Lalu kita berteman saja.

Seperti yang Abjad inginkan?
Seperti yang anda harapkan.

Kamu menang, aku kalah.
Dipikir-pikir kamu mendapatkan semuanya ya.

Selamat.
Mari kita rayakan.
Ayo kita makan-makan.
(Written on early sunday morning up to 4:22am)

i quit

2007-06-22T13:03:00.001+07:00

.the poem

there are times when we're up
and now
these are times when we're down

there were times of joy
our laughing glow
and before they turn to sorrow
i bid this last bow

sometimes i hold back
sometimes i hold on
but now
this time i'm drown

sometimes you regret
most times you won
this time
i withdrawn

i don't wanna play
i quit this game
but you insist to stay
it's always been the same

abcde...
you can count to three
when you open your eyes it's all gone
this time we're done

.the prose

life is up and down, just like the rollercoaster ride. and so are we, we were high and now we're on low.

you like to tease and i keep my calm. but this time please, i'm running out of tears.

then you'll sorry for the things you said to me. and i've forgiven you. but now, it's no can do. i give you up, i can't change you.

and i'll remember those days we were together. i know that we have to stop when we're on top. so that i'll have just good memories. 'cause i know ahead from now, we may become enemies.

.the highlight

i don't know why i'm sad. i just want you to know. i thought you'd know what to do. since i always listen to you.
but what you do? you shut me out the door, won't listen to my call.
is it wrong? to hate myself, to hate what i feel. when i feel bad, i don't want to see others happy. is there nothing you can do?
i thought you knew, i thought you could help me.
that's so wrong, right? you don't, you can't. you're the one not to be expected. now i remember. just why we're not together.

album cinta

2007-06-22T13:02:00.001+07:00

ya allah, seharusnya aku belajar tetapi mengapa? aku masih ingin menulis. aku suka sekali menulis. salah satu cara untuk memelihara keterampilan merangkai kata-kata indah namun tiada arti. jadi teringat masa-masa sekolah dasar, masa-masa punya buku diary yang lalu ditukar bergantian dengan teman, diisi dengan biodata dan foto berwarna tak lupa kata-kata mutiara. pernah ada semacam singkatan akronim yang entah datang dari mana, bunyinya adalah album cinta. apa itu album cinta?

album - Aku Lahir Bukan Untuk Menderita
cinta - Cerita Indah Namun Tiada Arti

hmm, jadi kalau disambung maksudnya apa ya? sungguh kata-kata yang menarik, yang diajarkan oleh teman sekelas waktu sd dulu. kalau dipikir-pikir lagi, akronim tadi cocok untuk jadi slogan truk gandeng mungkin.atau bis malam.atau angkutan kota boleh lah. anak-anak sd itu tahu darimana ya? tak mengerti aku. mungkin waktu itu juga mereka, dan juga saya tentunya, tidak begitu memikirikan artinya. hanya terdengar lucu saja. apa pengaruh dari nike ardila? ah sudahlah, lupakan saja.

sick

2007-06-22T13:01:00.001+07:00

ting ting penting dasar sinting

oits, tiba-tiba inget satu hal yaitu egcg. apa itu? eh gila cape gw, eh gw cape gila. bukan deng, bukan itu tapi egcg yang zat antioksidan di teh hijau itu. nggak penting, cuma tiba-tiba inget itu aja. udah.

oiya satu lagi deh. terinspirasi cuaca hari ini dan dalam upaya menindaklanjuti kalimat titi. it's cold inside and so outside, i need a man to warm my heart. when the rain stops, i want him pops. then i'll see him again when it's raining, and only when it rains.

ah apa sih ah? jadi inget satu hal lagi, dulu waktu s1 ada satu temen yang namanya ardiansyah dipanggilnya ah. yak, cukup selingannya. kyanya dari tadi selingan semua isinya. trus bagian mananya yang penting?

tanya kenapa?

ting ting penting ga penting yang penting sinting

chapter : motivation

2007-06-22T13:00:00.000+07:00

i still want to write something, ok? still part of today's topic. in our little chitty chatty library activity, when all seem so bored and unentertained, someone came out of the blue throwing up the word "motivation".
"i have no motivation being here" she said.
and oh it's always been an interesting one to be discussed. here where i'm studying, i rarely seen and rarely found person without drives and motivation. so yeah you got the idea right.
"why is that?" one of my friends asked her.
"i don't know, i just don't care" she replied. well, that's not the exact word she was saying but that's one of the point i noticed.
"i feel the same too, i'm just too lazy to find a job. i just end up being here" my other friend implied.
i won't say "i can't help but wonder". no, because i know. i just listen and say to myself i know when people say "i just do what i can 'cause i don't want to waste my time". i've been in the situation where you just don't know what to do, what you want, but you know that you have to do something. anything. and studying is one of the answers. i think everybody have different purposes in life. so you can't just blame people when her or his purpose differs from you.
she said "i like the people here, that's the reason why i'm here"
hey, that was my excuse for studying architecture back on my bachelor degree. i love my friends. it's just another phase that i'd go though -the moffats sang that.
i always believe every decision leads to another, as everything happens for a reason, and every meeting has it meanings.

sumber : pembicaraan 5 orang yang tidak peka pada suatu hari menjelang siang di sebuah perpustakaan kampus entah dimana

so jealous eh

2007-06-22T12:59:00.000+07:00

.june 20th
uhh, today is so very cold. it was raining all day. can't stand it. it gave me headache. while there's an exam waiting tomorrow. god, i'm very tired. i eat too much -4 times today-, my tummy really worked out.

and also i got teased today, they tried to make me "so jealous". now, let me tell you about the thing.

so jealous
by : tegan and sara

i don't wanna be part of the problem
i try so hard to get roughed up
if that's all up
it looks that way to me
it looks that way to you
then there's you telling me i can
then there's you screaming say something

i want the ocean right now
i want the ocean right now
i guess i was jealous i can't even work
i guess i was jealous i can't even work
there i am in the morning
i don't like what i see
there i am in the morning
i don't like what i see

i don't know how it's become such a problem
keep you all night if i try to remain calm
how can they ask why i feel so angry
do you see my problem if i never explain it
then there's you asking me how long
say something it's taking me so long

personality test

2007-06-22T12:57:00.000+07:00

akh,,hari ini foto bareng mas wira haha..

btw, it's june 19th
ternyata setelah sekian lama berkuliah di prasetiya mulya untuk memperoleh gelar master of management, saya baru menyadari bahwa prasetiya mulya tidak lain dan tidak bukan adalah sekolah kepribadian dan kepemimpinan. pagi ini, ada tes mbti (stands for mayer briggs type indicator, klo nggak salah) dan hasilnya saya adalah seorang ekstrovert, sensing, thinking, and judging.

dalam kuliah fundamentals of communication, ada juga tes kepribadian yang menyatakan bahwa saya adalah seorang promoting.
mundur lagi ke masa matrikulasi, pernah ada tes kepribadian melalui jendela johari yang digunakan oleh pak willem dagi dalam kuliah assertive communication beliau. hasilnya saya asertif, high openness.

juga ada tes lainnya yang dianalogikan dengan kegiatan hiking atau mendaki gunung, saya adalah tipe campers.
lalu bagaimana dengan tes mengenai cara menerima informasi yang waktu itu dibawakan oleh pak deddi tedjakumara? saya adalah semacam makhluk langka karena merupakan tipe orang audial visual.

tes ruang memori -dilakukan oleh pak deddi juga-, menunjukkan value apa yang penting bagi seseorang. ternyata yang penting bagi saya adalah hubungan dengan orang lain.

menarik sekali bukan kuliah di prasetiya mulya? haha,, well saya memang tertarik dengan jenis tes tes semacam ini -macam survey / bulletin boardnya friendster, kokology, kuis di majalah, kuis di website kya quizilla dll.- dasar banci foto eh salah banci kuis!
untuk lebih lengkapnya nanti saya update di postingan-postingan yang akan datang. nantikan ya...

...putus

2007-06-22T12:56:00.000+07:00

monday, june 18th
it's teboy's and stanley's birthday
and ms. indria's also

yesterday was didi's birthday
the day before yesterday was aldi's
haha...

yah well, i heard someone just broke up. it must be sad. at times like these,
when we need a strong hand to hold on,
when we need a shoulder to lean on,
when we need a warm hug,
when we need to be cherised by smiles,
when we need gratitudes for being there, and appreciated by loud laughs,
when we need an available pair of ears, and feedback that we can listen to,
when we need an open heart, and open mind. i feel bad for my comrade.

oh baby baby blue

2007-06-18T18:34:00.000+07:00

for you, it's a phrase. it won't mean a thing.
literally literal. but it's a metaphor, if only you see.

for me, hypocrite. you can eat it up.
"kentang yang terlalu banyak"

this is what i feel, so close to what i hear.

hazuruma mittaku kamiya dakacha
no no no no
i can't stop calling you

uwanai keredo aitai aitai aitai

kasaneta yorumo
mezamero kiszumo
dare mou kimi wo kosenai
wasuretai no ni kienai kisenai
kinoku no nami you ni ishou
tada matte boku ne
yume wo mita ano basho e
oh baby baby blue..

in fact i eat too much, i'm about to throw up.
or thrown out.

as lovers go

2007-06-18T18:32:00.000+07:00

a night where the week ends.

don't ask me for opinion. actually i don't care. i don't care of what you think. i don't care that you care. i don't want you to ask for my permission. who am i anyway? who are you anyway?

if you're trying to do me "as lovers go" then i said you've gotta be honest you're wasting you time if you're fishing around here. you should've said to me i must be mistaken, that feeling is real. and i won't say it that you've gotta be crazy, what do you take me for? somekind of easy mark.

no, i just want you to dare. cause that yes i care.

and i don't wanna hear that you're falling in love the way i did told you. when you said that i seem unhappy, i don't want you to think of me. i just want you to show me. do it say it tonight, don't hold back just spill it. but, you never listen to what i say. when i said i want you to take your chance, you didn't. i have nothing to expect from you, cause you're not a person to be expected.

yes, i've been waiting. atashi mou kikitai no yorokobi no uta. anta to motto hanashitai wa. demo ne gakkari shichatta.

boy you should've listen to kirameki no kanata he. get going, get the chance. i wish you wish, yes. step to start.

the action

2007-06-18T18:27:00.000+07:00

old habit dies hard
bad habit stays
i'm talking about my eating habit.

what about this week?

.june 13th, wednesday.
before we were discussing about the case of managerial accounting for midtest, we decided to eat lunch somewhere out of prasetiya mulya please... we went to citos instead of pim. the place was extremely busy, crowds everywhere. confused confused confused which place to choose, we decided : dixie. i ordered chicken with melted cheese -a cordon blue look alike- and ice lemon tea. it wasn't good. ok, not good at all. i warn you.

.june 14th, thursday.
after the managerial accounting midtest all said and done, we wanted some refreshment, entertainment, something to refreshen our nearly dead soul. we went to karaoke house! yatta. i screamed out loud, barely singing. time passed so fast, it got us hungry. time to eat some more. and the lucky one was : sop buntut restaurant @ fatmawati. i forgot the name of that place. but it's kinda expensive, my grilled buntut and rice cost me 30000 idr. dessert presented by tukang sate padang outside the buntut restaurant.

.june 15th, friday.
there was no class after lunch. i made an appointment with old friends. i supposed to pick her up but plan -changes-
i don't like it, when there's just so much to do in a very short time. friday nite was scheduled to tabble manner. but somehow i knew i won't make it, so i cancelled. i don't want to please the one who unpleased me.

new meeting poing : blok m instead of ex
i told them to wait for me there. they said "ok, blok m plaza it is" so i went there, to blok m plaza it is. but guess where they were at, pasaraya grande blok m. it's a small difference but it's such a bugger cause the difference cause me one more block stop.

then i spot them at chatterbox. lovely, i didn't expect them to wait at such hip place haha. they didn't know where the foodcourt was, cute. i had to show them where it is then i got arroused by such irrisistable smell of hoka hoka bento. there you are, there i go.

yumm...instead a set of -cream soup, chicken cordon bleu, and chocolate mousse- i ate beef teriyaki and fried chicken rolls.

.june 16th, saturday.
satuday morning's breakfast was macaroni schotel. homecooking lunch at noon. saturday afternoon, from pm we went to citos. we were looking for cakes and we found it : amadeus cafe. say hello to mango cheesecake and amadeus choco tart(?) and my strawberry squash. sweet,,
uh anyway, someone cancelled a date. it pissed me off. we could have done something else. luckily, johnny's boys are always there standing by.

.june 17th, sunday.
still the three of us, our last day together this month. there were few options like pizza, ramen, noodles, cakes, coffee, and sushi. we opt for ramen or noodles, coffee, and sushi. primary target : sushi tei @ pim2. only as appetizer, kani mayo, spicy salmon roll, tuna salad, something with unagi&cucumber, something about crab, and baby octopus! oh and matcha ice cream. and those ocha refills keep us full so we stop.

secondary target : kinokuniya! we're always have great hunger for boys of bidan, those "fineboys" and guess what? they were out of stock. oh no, we must get them since it's a must! move it move it, we're after those bidan mag to plaza indonesia. phew, can you guess what happen next? they're still lacking they're still run out of stock! dame dayooo..all they way for nothing. aah, we need some drinks but we didn't know where to go so by impulsive action we stop by gloria jean's. i slurped my mint chocolate bomb very quickly. gosh, i was thirsty.

we were running out of time. almost four o'clock, we got less than 30mins. we walked down the pedestrian way, it wasn't even 10 mins and we were already there. mc'd sarinah! yaaa, another medium fries stucked inside of my tummy. and the day ended there. grace went back to bandung, tari to her rentroom, and me to my house.

not normal

2007-06-18T18:23:00.000+07:00

udah ah capek capek capek

uchi, you're such a bad boy.you drag kusa out with you.
i miss you both uchi baby, notty kusa my pet

ueda, you're such a pretty boy.you make me groan while you moan
akame, akanishi and kameya.i'll let you two be what i want you to be

by the way, if it's for ryo then i'll gladly let uchi go. go hug go kiss.
i'll watch then die of nosebled happilly

pi, you'll always be the lovely lovely baby boy. just don't get too close to tego or korosu.
i tempt to murder that tegobitch. then your member will be even less and lesser.

argh kalian makhluk layar kaca maya abstrak virtual, aku capek dengan kenyataan.
tidak bagus tidak cantik tidak elok dan indah. tidak seperti kalian.
tidak tidak tidak. tidak imut tidak keren dan tidak lucu. tidak normal.

four seasons

2007-06-15T12:57:00.000+07:00

green as the young leaf bud
begin to blossom with the touch of sunlight
and fresh dew drops early the day
then a sudden breeze left a seed
plant in the soil a new heartbeat
it that touches and moves
a companion through the spring
as the young roots seek for steadiness
days and nights
the warmth of youth
the cold of this new loneliness
the glory of summer storm
here comes the worm
lay eggs on its leaves
then caterpilars when it turns to butterflies
then it's best time to it ends
at dawn they leave without goodbye
as if nothing happens in autumn
and this ugly bush left alone
with it's root far from steady
some dead leaves and broken branches
alone this stem
welcome the silent storm
years of coldhearted wind
that spikes everyone passes by
so no one would stop to worry
whether it's watered or dry
it's winter
only few notice that it's there
covered in storm dust, dull
couldn't wait to go further
the longest three years ever

it's a new season
the time to rise and shine
wake up from this hibernation
time to catch up those butterflies
who flew before you
after varies prior season
only a few more to go through
some repetitive and some differ
the chore goes the same
only now in this fairy land
new stage of the old world has just begun
in it's moving current
pick your own path of stream
on whichever riverside
that'll bring you here
only then you'll remember
of who and what made you
what you are now, here

tomodachi

2007-06-15T12:53:00.000+07:00

Personal Record
of good old days

I dont know where to start
This.. lots of things in my minds
Im struggling with thoughts

Im losing my sense
Whether is right or wrong?
Or things should be done..

Let's start

Teman
Manusia makhluk sosial
tetapi
Homo homini lupus
Manusia satu adalah serigala bagi manusia lainnya
Manusia satu memangsa lainnya
Pertanyaannya?
Apakah serigala itu dapat hidup sendiri?
Tidak tentunya..
sebab tanpa serigala lainnya, ia akan kelaparan
suatu fakta bahwa tanpa mangsa ia binasa
Satu serigala hanyalah satu rantai mangsa memangsa
Siklus hidup yang kejam namun ada
Kesimpulan :
Manusia bagai serigala
Hidup bersama demi kepentingan diri sendiri
Hidup bersama untuk menyantap satu dari mereka bersama-sama pula
Hidup bersama untuk saling memangsa

Manusia itu egois

Apakah ada serigala yang rela berpuasa demi rasa setia
Setia kawan hingga rela berlapar-lapar ria
Setia pada teman hingga pada akhirnya menjadi santapan lainnya?
Setia.. berarti rela berkorban demi pemuas hawa nafsu sejenisnya?

Timbul masalah
Jika manusia bagai serigala
Manusia sebenarnya tidak manusiawi
Begitu bukan?
Serigala tidak manusiawi

Namun, apakah ada serigala bodoh yang rela menjadi santapan teman-temannya?
Wajar serigala bodoh
Ia tidak dikaruniai otak untuk berpikir
Hanya naluri..
dan nalurinya tidak menimbulkan kesetiaan yang bodoh itu
Naluri hewaninya akan menyebabkan ia berjuang untuk bertahan hidup
Sehingga ia tidak menyerah begitu saja untuk dijadikan mangsa oleh lainnya

Hanya manusia yang memiliki kesetiaan bodoh itu
Hanya manusia yang punya nurani itu
Nurani?
Apa itu?
Apakah itu kemanusiaan?
Kemanusiaan itu seperti apa?

I DONT KNOW

Teman

untuk saling mengisi dan mengambil sisanya jika terlalu penuh
Jika aku terlalu penuh
..

Teman adalah
segerombolan orang yang suka berkumpul untuk melakukan sesuatu bersama-sama
Segerombolan manusia
bukan serigala
BUkan segerombolan penyantap satu sesamanya
tetapi ada teman yang seperti serigala
bukan serigala berkedok teman
Haha
aku tertawa, ya?
teman-temanku seperti serigala
aku pun juga
karena sering bersama sehingga tercipta suatu pola
tingkah laku, tindak, dan jalan pikiran serupa
Serupa tapi tak sama
itulah kita, teman

Cukuplah pengantarku untuk memperingatimu, teman
wahai kamu yang mengaku teman walaupun kadang aku ragu
apakah kamu teman?
atau serigala itu?
Cukuplah pengantarku untuk menyampaikan padamu
isi hatiku bahwa aku tahu
bahwa kamu serigala
siap sedia menyantapku
dengan pisau dan garpu untuk mengiris tipis-tipis di balik punggungku
tapi, Tunggu Dulu!
ssst...
Apakah kamu tahu?
aku juga serigala sepertimu?
aku juga siap sedia membalikkan pisau dan garpu ke arah wajahmu
dalam waktu yang menguntungkanku

Haha
manusia yang seperti serigala!
itulah aku?
oportunis sepertiku dan hipokrit sepertimu memang dari awal membenci satu sama lain
karena itukah kita saling mengisi dan mengambil jika terlalu penuh?
karena aku oportunis dan kau hipokrit!

wahai serigala, bersiaplah..
kau adalah satu dari sekian target santapanku
bukan menu utama tapi hidangan penutup yang lezat dan nikmat
karena kau serigala yang gemuk akan kebohongan dan kemunafikan yang penuh!
di balik punggungku, kau siap menikamku
tetapi di balik punggungku itu aku telah siap memasang seringai untuk menyambut kejatuhanmu
maka aku akan menang
menang atas keterjerumusanmu atas salah penafsiran terhadap tindakanku
menang dengan kesombonganku,
seekor oportunis bangsat!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hipokrit, itu kamu?
Sadar nggak? nggak ya?
apa perlu kusiram air hingga pecah kesunyian di antara kita
perang dingin yang terselubung di bawah tanahgencatan senjata pura-pura selama kita bersama?
Enggan rasanya aku melepas kebisuan hingga lepas dari mulutku
suatu keanehankah?
saat ini aku yang melontarkannyaisyarat perang tanpa bom tanpa senjata tanpa luka?
aku merasa hampa.. tidak ada apa-apa
Dengan keheningan ini aku merasa lebih baik
ringan melayang tanpa beban
hanya merasa tegang memikirkan apa yang kau rasakan
Apa itu ?
sahabatku..
ceritakan untukku kisahmu
kisahmu tentangku
kisahmu nyataku
semua alam yang bertentangan di balik sadarmu?
yang tanpa kau ucapkan padaku dapat kupahami dengan tatapanmu?
yang tanpa kumengerti menyebabkan aku,
Ya, aku!
merasa lemah dan tak berdaya
seolah-olah serigala yang pasrah untuk dimangsa sesamanya

Apa pernah kaurasa yang seperti itu?
apa? bagaimana?
bahagia??? tentu bukan
bagai serigala yang hilang tersesat dari gerombolannya
berlari menentang angin
mengejar bayangan bulan di langit malam yang kelam
dibalik sapuan awan mega yang muram?
seakan langit berduka atas keresahanku
Berlari hingga ke ujung tebing dan melolong
Lolongan penuh desah dan kesedihan
yang kini berubah menjadi rintihan hati yang tersayat
seperti.. tangisan??
namun, Kini..
hal itu tak ubahnya sebuah kebiasaan lama yang membosankan
Bosan!
aku bosan merasa seperti itu!
kenapa harus lemah?
kenapa harus berlari, menangis,
Sendiri?

bukan untuk sensasi kulemparkan isyarat perang itu
hanya karena telah kulewati batas ambang kejenuhanku
dan titik kulminasi berbalik, lalu..
dengan seenaknya memulai perang diam

Hahaha
aku tertawa dalam hati
kunikmati perang ini
yang membuatku ringan melayang seakan terbang
tanpa pikiran tanpa beban
Kesombonganku mengambil alih
mendoktrin pikiranku untuk menguasai hatiku sehingga menjadi kuat!

penarikan diriku..
menjawab semuanya
masalah ini, kuatasi sendiri
karena aku bisa sendiri
tanpa gerombolan yang berpotensi memangsaku

lalu,
dengan seenaknya lagi aku menertawakan dirimu
dan diriku yang dulu
yang penuh dengan kebodohan
sampai saat ini kau pun masih penuh dengan kebodohan

Kebodohan itu tergambar jelas di wajahmu!
dengan memakai bulu palsu kau ingin menjadi serigala
padahal kau tanpa busana bisa menjadi teman biasa
apa adanya
kau tak pernah melihat apa adanya
tidak menyadari dirimu, tindakan dan perbuatanmu
yang ternyata semua hanyalah bullshit!
sampah

kenapa? ada masalah?
bilang aja..

hahahaha

nggak nyadar ya?
aku nggak punya masalah
mungkin,
kamu yang punya masalah
mungkin,
pikiran dan perasaanmu adalah masalah

karena itu
aku bosan
bosan bertanya kenapa?
jadi aku berhenti bicara
karena semua kata-kata sudah kehilangan maknanya
di depanmu yang fasih menggunakan dan lihai memanipulasinya
belum angkat bicara sudah muak aku mendengarnya
kamu hanya manusia bukan serigala
manusia yang mampu menjalankan hipokrisasi di seluruh aspek hidupnya

.
berhentilah berpura-pura

the motive

2007-06-15T12:47:00.000+07:00

weekends,
sunday : june 10th 2007
times pass by
days come and go
monday, everyday hates monday
tuesday, weeks are early
wednesday, it's ok it's ok
thursday, today already!
friday, finally...
saturday, yes weekends
sunday, nooo don't end

yah well, anyway
these weeks i spent
i spent it -not- alone
jreng jreng jreng jreng
may i present you,,om abjad,,
delightful companies
abjad and friends
malvin to nobi
and what do we do?
we eat, a lot of heavy eating
a lot of heavy "happy" meal
and having us all heavy loaded
and you, yes you
you said something about my cheeks
now you know why
and what reason for-getting me chubbier,
in just one week -yay-
yes i mean to put it down that way
forgetting that i'm getting more and
more chubby chubbs like a teletubs
i was kidnapped
and they made me eat eat eat
*ok, i lied*
there were never any force laid on me to make me eat
-eat like a pig-
die like human
of cancer,
of stroke,
of heart attack,
of obesity,
of eating a lot
of junk
tonite menu was soto daging!
ha better, it was jeroan soup
last nite menu was burger & chips
and don't forget your dessert
you sweetteeth, it was sundae
excessively flooding my tummy
"tas pinggang yang bagus, tante"
but still i'm lurking about the next trip
nakal sekali tante T
kerjanya makan melulu
teehee :D

oh, the other side of the story
nobi akhirnya baru akan nonton pirates of caribean : at the world's end.malam ini.di bintaro mall?
ya ampun nob, jauh banget.
setelah ngejejelin kita ama soto jeroan yang mampu membuat gw mati dengan -mudah-mudahan ga terlalu- cepet itu
setelah minggu lalu keabisan tiket di pim,
tau gitu minggu lalu ga perlu buru2 makan di a&w kan
haha tapi mayan deh wafflenya enak yaa
setelah itu masih niat juga makan di blok s
mana pak kumis? baso kumis?
aduh apa sih ty..
masih kuat ngomongin makanan
kenyang kembung
perut melendung
seperti ibu mengandung
dang dung dang dung

ahbjad tanghghung jahwabbb
you're making me fat and fatter

ay ay captain

2007-06-15T12:40:00.000+07:00

it is a very rare condition that i'm in mood for movies except bigscreens. it was the ob class that drove me. k- 19 widowmaker. i watched it before, i just didn't remember so i watched it once more and it was awesome. trully,,

rusia built k-19 submarine to lauch a missile test to make the first move before america. captain vostrikov was assigned to replace the previous captain polenin. why? polenin put too much interest for his crew while they were far behind the schedule. so vostrikov was sent to carry on the mission. along the journey, vostrikov gave many claim to the crew. he demanded ultimate nimblest of his men, meaning that they should quick and light in movement or function, quick to seize urgently. there were changing situation inside the board. vostrikov test them to the edge. mens were exhausted and injured during drills, there was no mercy as it was their duty to serve motherland.

until the real emergency came up, a hole spotted on the core of nuclear reactor. temperature rising. something must be done or they would die in heatand worse, nuclear explosion. when vostrikov seem to sacrifice his men for his soviet union. when the men felt no longer obliging to his command. when polenin was delivered his second chance to captain again. when they were about to rebel and flee for their lives. when all conflicts rose up as fast as radiation level in all compartments. by the hand of a captain, a question of moral. for he's a man of duty. in between choises, to ask help from his enemy or to sunk the board and its glory.

still a flavor of the week

2007-05-28T21:28:00.000+07:00

mmh,,how about a melting chocolate cake for dessert?
i say yess...

there he is
my chocolate cake melting right in front of me
early in the morning, a bit too early for dessert
but he´s up and ready
wrapped in blue colored plastic wrapping
ribbon tied in red stripes
arousing appetites
ready to be bitten
yumm yumm
l´eclair pour moi
bon appetite

(inspiration is still that "you-know-who" my current flavor of the week : choco fudge brownie)

lalalalALDI = he's just a flavor of the week

2007-05-24T12:45:00.000+07:00

Yesterday = Saturday, May 19th 2007

yesterday was a lot of fun.it's all one day packed activities.

dimulai dengan bangun pagi kuterus mandi

memulai hari dengan sarapan bergizi (berhubung udah jarang sarapan skrg) dan minum susu cokelat seperti biasa

lalu berkumpul dan bercengkerama sejenak bersama rekan2 setim dan sejawat

setelah itu berangkat bersama menuju te-ka-pe kaget-kagetan dengan bola cat (paintball)

setelah sampai berhura-hura berhaha hihi suka ria(dalam artian briefing-bagi tim-tembak sana sini)

puas mandi dan berbagi keringat

lalu kuterus makan jatah konsumsi dari sponsor mcd

berfoto difoto hingga mencuri foto ALDI secara diam2 yang berisik

menemukan kesamaan dengan tokky,myrda,banggas,dan ALDI!sama-sama kuning...

berteriak berseru "aldi aldi hidup ALDI" (oh thank god he's alive)

lalu setelah tim Aldi menang kembali berseru "ALDI ganteng!"

ditimpali komentar myrda "emaaang.."

kembali menimbulkan komentar lain yaitu "ALDI makin ganteng aja!"

hiihii,kasihan sekali si Aldi

lalu lalu setelah semua puas mengimitasi sosok (sok-sok) tentara berseragam loreng dan hansip berseragam ijo2,

kami memutuskan untuk pulang

secepat itu? tunggu dulu..makan dulu lah ya

di rumah makan padang sederhana,,eeh ralat rumah makan padang di seberang sederhana (lupa namanya.red)

ternyata Aldi makannya banyak sekali, nambah 3 piring nasi

hauhauhau beruntung sekali jadi nasi bisa masuk ke dalem perut Aldi

teruuus,eh baru nyadar Aldi bawa chevrolet ya?

suara dalam hati : "makin ganteng aja hari ini"

wakakakaka biasa salah satu dan benar satu hal yang dapat menggugah iman wanita selain wajah tampan,gaya nyaman,ramah:rajin menjamah (kok jadi lebih dari satu?), yaitu-irit kata2,tapi royal fulusnya-nah ga tau dia royal apa nggak tapi kelihatannya sedikit berlebih?boleh kok kalo mau bagi2, bisa dibantu menghabiskannya HAHAHA

wah wah kok jadi ngomongin Aldi?

jadi kami kembali ke kampus

menghantarkan pejuang2 yang telah lelah dan kehilangan semangat

yah sayang sekali setelah ini Aldi memutuskan untuk tidak ikut karaoke, teguh mau dinner, dan teboi mau tidur, begitu juga dengan geng banjarsari, eh si marcos malah ga ikutan makan tadi...ck ck

ehh ternyata bung wira dengan semangat 45 sudah mendahului kami ke te-ka-pe selanjutnya

berangkat ke tempat lalalalALDI yang biasanya juga tersedia dalam paket plus plus

peserta yang tersisa : banggas si supir dengan gaji 8 juta seminggu, tya majikannya yang super dermawan,myrda gadis cantik,erica sang multiagen, william pejuang cinta, wira yang diem2-tapi-cadas-tapi-diem2, hono yang adem ayem aja sama *tiit*,dan tokky si juru intip lewat lensanya yang panjang pendek.

total berlalalalALDI cukup 2 jam saja

menghasilkan suara2 yang serak sengau

sebagai jawara kita kali ini adalaaaaaah : WIRA SABLENG eh ampun bung wira cuma namanya mirip ama wiro sableng sih

dengan lagu andalan : tua2 keladi - anggun c. sasmi

hadiahnya dapet voucher 1 jam ekstra sayang gada plus2nya hohoho yaak, lalu kembali ke jalan cieh back on the road bersama kami

mengantar myrda dan hono kembali ke kandang masing2

di tengah jalan kok laper lagi???mampirlah kita di ice cream factory kan yaaa

ben&jerry's enak banget gitu looo

hihi, lanjutin jalan eeeh ada istana martabak!hari itu udah ngelewatin 2 kali!1 di depok, 1 di cinere. sayang cuma lewat doang hiks hiks

udah gitu william si pejuang cinta diteror lewat sms dan telvon

oleh siapa? tentu saja pacarnya

yah, ga jadi mengunjungi airport untuk nyicip2 makanan deh

ya sudah kembali ke kampus, lagi"wil, bangun wil udah nyampe"

"udah nyampe yah?bentar, gw download dulu"

"wah si william lagi collective soul"

"ya udah.hati2 ya"

"dadaaah"lanjut nganterin erica pulang ke kostan

lalu lalu akhirnyaaa aku sampe rumah!!jam 7 saja, dan lalu supirku melanjutkan perjalanannya ke airport

jadi taksi buat nambah penghasilan dia yang cuma 8 juta seminggu

tsk tsk tsk well well

that's yesterday. today i'm just retyping it :D

nonsense

2007-05-24T12:42:00.000+07:00

whereabout of there you are
i and Are looking for some
helplessly written story
self guide to mandatory
enchanter and magic drum
humming of tweedledum
lost me in the wonderland
can't get out till i get my key
and i'm invited to madhat tea party
while the queen heart is out
save the rabbit from being chopped
run and run still on the ground
world is a merry-go-round
take me back to my paper house
there i'll blow my nose
and bleed out this nonsense
out of me out of thee

i thought i had

2007-05-24T12:36:00.000+07:00

dont talk to me

i know you'll say

everything i want to hear

dont come to me

you'll do me right

should i give up the fight?

dont ask me why

the reason that i should lie

you know i'll cry

without knowing

you know me well

without seeing

you see the exact me

without hearing

you hear my mind speaking

you reflect to me

like all i ever wanted

all i ever need

and all i thought i knew

i thought i had

guess who

2007-05-24T12:31:00.000+07:00

i am not sensible

yet sensitive

not persuasive

but repressive

don't mind me

a thought you could toss to

don't bother

you wouldn't hurt me

when you say nasty

or just shake oddly

i use as reprimand

just happen rarely and shortly

i have my confidence

my own opinion

and when opportunity comes

call me opportunist

i call it positivity

drunk on ego

i borrow the line

you call it pride

i throw out sarcastics lines

thats just represent me

i may forget

but don't forgive

they may say i'm rude

or some call me mean

but i'm not bad

just not as good

as everyone else

act differently

towards me, it's reality

i'm authentic

repost

2007-05-18T14:54:00.000+07:00

huihuihuihui,,ngeblog langsung dari perpus!

akh tampaknya tulisanku yang sebelumnya kurang menggebrak yaaa

komennya abjad cuma gitu aja huhu..

ya well tapi kan itu serius, things i don't know about him that i'd like to know

mkanya hasilnya serius,bgonoh loh ya

lalu lalu,,surprisingly konyol.silly,pas gw baca jawaban posting gw kan lagi di perpus yaaa

dimana kelompok gw lagi serius2nya diskusi soal tugas kelompok,nahhh tiba2 gw ketawa kya kesurupan-mesem mesem-nahan perut-hampir jatuh bergulingan-sesek napas-tiba2 pusing- mual-migrain-kya hamil-hahahaha

nanti buat lagi ah sesi duanya,yg lebih nggak penting

ga penting ga penting ga penting ga penting

oiyah jad,maaf ya tidak bisa memenuhi your birthday wish xP

kamu mintanya sama eti ajaaah hahahahah

lalu lalu lalu,,seorang tya bonjep?pandai bicara?iya!pandai menulis?iya!

dewasa?wahahahahahahahahah,,iya gitu?

bisa aja abjad merayuku wakakaka

anyway bytheway busway jad

makasih udah menobatkan saya menjadi the most influential person in your life right now

:D :D :D

questions pro abjad

2007-05-15T12:57:00.000+07:00

fyuuh.nyampe jkt lagi.stlh business trip sehari k bandung.

abjad lagi di ui.he said something then he laughed.i didn't get it.and that was it.my latest conversation dengan si objek tulisan kali ini.

well,,bukan sekedar tulisan biasa.because he asked for it.here it is.here's all the list of things i don't know about him that i put it here so he can read and reply.

abjad,get ready.

ktanya mau jawab dgn jujur kan ya?

begini peraturannya : setiap line harus dijawab! seberapapun gak pentingnya!

ok.set.go.

-what's your favourite food?

-how about favourite drink? oh i know! it's tea..

-who would you consider as your best friend(s)?-who would you consider the most influential person atm?

-siapakah idolamu? aihhh

-siapa presiden indonesia ketiga? lahh,, ngetes.lanjut.

-what fragrance do you wear? abjad kan khas banget wanginya

-where's your favourite hangout place? selain warnet atau game-online center yes

-what value (ex : honesty/loyalty/purity/sensitivity/etc.) that is most important to you?

-which do you prefer, movie or music? ahaaaaa

-choose : intense conversation or indepth conversation?

-what's your favourite childhood experience?

-if you could be born not as indonesian, what nationality would it be?

-selain jepang. what country will be your next destination?

-what is karma, you think..

-tell me about your favourite fantasies

-name your favourite female

-slowly or quickly?

-lagi dengerin taking back sunday.bagus ya..

-next.

-eyes or smiles?

-mountain or beach?

-city or country?

-truth that hurts or lie to cover?

-maaan.knapa sih susah banget nulis sms yg lebih panjaaaaang? pemalessss,,sebal sebal sebal

-so i know about the dreamdate. what about the dreamhouse?

-what about your dreamjob?

-kpn rencana mau lulus s1? hehe.

-menikah?

-punya anak?

-describe your future children.name and sex.

-i know you love kokology. so i suggest that you pick up your key next time :D grab whatever chances within sight, ok baby

-ayo karang sebuah dongeng.about love, honor, and glory.

-aku pusing.abis keujanan di bandung.ga bisa mikir lagi...

-klo bisa pacaran sama siapapun yang abjad kenal saat ini.dare?

-huahahahahahaha.ini penting.

-kok bisa sih jadi orang yang cuek,judes,baek,dan aneh di waktu yang bersamaan?

-do you know that you can and usually say "binguuung.." almost like ten times or more in an hour conversation?

-pleaseee.stop confusing me.gunakan kata2 lain seperti "hauuuu" or "ahuuu" and yes those are words ;DD

-unisex.what does that mean?

-oh i'm glad that you no longer use the "waaa,,nda tau saya"

-and i'm glad you're keeping your promises. ya oom abjad ya. jangan suka janji2 oom2 ya.-jadi mana pizza hutnya? huihuihuihuihui

-what are you : lazy tiger or fast moving snipper?

-what would you like to have as a birthday present?

-breast or ass?

-wahahaha.kuri kuri yamapiii.

-gantian ah.what do you know about me?

-and last but not least. i never heard of your father.

-sorry to bother you, i know you don't mind. teehee.

ok.so i just wrote about 50 lines up there.

take your time replying the answers.

i want you to post it back written.

and remember the rule!

have fun :D

line and rhymes

2007-05-15T12:55:00.000+07:00

help yourself while you're stumbling

down with love is all you're feeling

so just let go, let go

hear me shout

through you, through all that

i can't help but floating, floating

in the ocean of hope

waiting for a drop of ray

come what may

still idling while seasons come and go

as lovers go passing by

stay don't stay

i see you cry

wishing for yesterday once more

i know i know such a bore

but i can feel you tremble

oh it gives me shiver

so maybe i'll just off this boat

jump and swim reach to you

or maybe you just want to soak

off to beach, adieu

isn't it heartbreaking?

2007-05-15T12:48:00.000+07:00

dedicated to all heartbroken,,

you were there weren't you?
but you went away
i'm pretty sure that you can't stand me
yea you ran away
you said that you could'nt love me
you're the song that tegan and sara sings

leaving me and the shrink
leave me stay with her
don't you think i'm better with the other?
oh i know what you sayit's pretty much they same
oh i know what they say
entice me with hope
brand new day brand new dawn
brand new me brand new you
the other you

and don't they know?
isn't it classic line "i don't wanna be tied to anyone strange"
i didn't look for you
but there you were
and what i've found in you
can't be replaced nor undone
how abundance
and it's hard to let gocause this heart is tired
yes they know
they know and they hope i don't
and i hope i don't

so i can take the pill and easily learn these steps
but as i grow i know
this are game that people play
just fool around
but i no longer play dumb
and in the end
time will tell you
to start new

girls,,i hope you'll feel better

weeks gone by

2007-04-20T17:17:00.000+07:00

ehehehe sudah lama gak ngeposttt,,,
berhubung komputer di rumah ngambekk
hiks hiks
ya udah apa boleh buat :D
anyway bytheway busway
liburan sudah akan berakhir
nggak berasaaa
ngapain aja liburan ini?
let's see...hummm
1.registrasi ulang
2.nangkring di kampus
3.main game komputer di rumah
4.nonton dorama nodame cantabile >> baguuuus!
5.belanja k mangdu
6.k kinokuniya! akhirnyaaa
7.nginep di cinere
8.gak jelas
9.sms (short memory syndrome) hilang ingatan sesaat
10.nonton nagabonar jadi 2 sebanyak 2x! thanks to abjad :D
11.bikin maket lagi setelah sekian lama,skali lagi thanks to abjad :D haha
12.bertemu tari?hehe we'll see deh tomorrow
13.bertemu hali?jadikah?entahlahhh
wahh,produktif sekali liburan saya ini

3 minggu ya?gak berasaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

mas boi part 1

2007-04-20T16:56:00.000+07:00

since this one goes out for you
i'm going to write it in Indonesian instead

Hari pertama kuliah di Prasetiya Mulya
janjian makan siang bersama Maming
ternyata hari itu kelas spesial Bahasa Inggris mendapatkan tugas kelompok dan mereka berencana untuk mengerjakannya saat itu juga
lalu lalu ketika itu aku bertanya kepada mereka
"kalian angkatan 34 juga?"
"luar biasaaa..." begitu kata sambutan yang keluar dari mulut Bayu Hanandhika (yang selanjutnya akan saya sebut sebagai oknum BH)
"Dhika" lanjut oknum BH seraya menjulurkan tangannya
kesan pertama yang saya dapat yaitu kecil, pendek, dan banyak bicara. kesan yang kurang menarik, begitu singkatnya. dia terlihat biasa sahaja.
tak terasa sekarang sudah sebulan lebih saya mengenalnya, ternyata baru sebentar tapi rasanya sudah lama. terima kasih saya ucapkan pada program pasca sarjana Prasetiya Mulya Business School yang mengubah hari hariku menjadi malam malam yang sarat makna. o, betapa aku mendedikasikan sebulan terakhir kepada pendalaman akuntansi dan statistik yang menyita waktu dan menuntut pengertian amat sangat.
jadi dalam sebulan ini, sosok oknum BH sudah menjadi sangat familiar dalam hidup saya ini. sungguh seronok sekali bersamanya, terutama hanya jika dan apabila dia sedang berduet bersama biduanita cerdas asal betawi berinisial LF. sungguh perpaduan yang kompak dan menggemaskan, mengalahkan duo maut tya&grace juga paket hemat tya&inda, kombinasi ganda campuran oknum BH dan LF menghasilkan apa yang saya sebut "dynamic duo". dari mulut mereka tak hanya perdebatan kusir yang dapat teratasi namun juga nada nada yang menjelma ke dalam lirik dan bait doel sumbang pun rasanya bukan hal yang mustahil untuk dinyayikan bersama dalam sebuah kegiatan lokal bertajuk kerja kelompok.
bahkan seringkali ketika tidak sedang didampingi biduanita LF pun oknum BH dapat menampilkan berbagai macam atraksi yang memancing keributan dan menggugah ketentraman hari orang-orang di sekitarnya, atraksi oknum BH ini benar-benar dapat menggerakkan hati dan juga pantat seluruh anggota partai mmr angkatan 34. hanya berbekal lidah yang lebih panjang dan kekuatan suara yang menyamai desibel 25 orang sekali bicara, oknum BH telah menunjukkan kemampuannya sebagai motor angkatan. jabatan yang justru dihindari oleh oknum BH tersebut karena "yaah cape deeeh..."nya. memang sungguh "luar biasaaa..." performa dari seorang oknum BH yang mampu mengganyang dobel casting sebagai orang di atas panggung maupun berada di belakang layar pada okasi yang sama. betapa ia setia pada prinsip EKSISTENSI dirinya dimanapun kapanpun.
sebagai bukti eksistensinya, oknum BH ini juga mempunyai nama panggung yang tidak kalah terkenalnya yaitu "teboi" yang kemudian bermetamorfosis ke dalam bentuk bentuk lain seperti "mas boi, tebby bebby, dan baby boi"
sebagai sosok yang sangat peduli penampilan dan image, oknum BH telah melahirkan alter ego dalam dua pilihan kepribadian yaitu jim dan jon yang kemudian didelegasikan sebagai kepribadian ponselnya masing masing. sekali lagi sebagai darah mudah yang tidak terbantahkan keeksistensiannya, oknum BH ini memberikan kemudahan bagi pihak pihak yang ingin menguhubunginya dengan opsi via CDMA maupun GSM, yang manapun saluran yang anda pilih oknum BH akan dengan senang hati menjawab panggilan telepon dari anda. dan jika ingin mendapatkan kabar kabar tergres dari oknum BH ini, sebaiknya jangan melalui pelayanan pesan singkat atau sms melainkan langsung saja tekan tombol hijau bergambar telepon untuk pelayanan panggil karena sebenar benarnya oknum BH ini sangat malas untuk membalas pesan singkat tersebut terlebih lagi oknum BH ini sering sekali terjepit dalam kemiskinan yang menyebabkan ia tidak sanggup mengisi ulang pulsanya.

...to be continued

what if?

2007-04-20T16:48:00.000+07:00

what was all that?
same ole story
do i hear my story line rewind
or is it all coming back to me?
it sounds familiar
all what's said
i'm glad to say i've been there
and done that
but what if i have to retake
that if i fail
will i ever take that same path
ever again?
or will i choose the contrary
to this life i don't want to endure
to this chance of a different me
will that mean that i'm not grateful
for being unsatisfied
of what fate that i'm bearing
or to blame curiosity
that kills a cat
recycling this whole life is
returning to you
you are what you were
and you will be
then you'll get what you give
then you'll give what you get
the difference you make
in any your decision
getting better
growing wiser
to comprehend the things uncompromised
to get along and carried away
it's not that you don't hold on
it is that you can't
to see things in a different level
now is high then it's higher
learn how your thoughts were bonded to relativity
know that gravity pulls it to the ground
nothing stays the same forever
cause every second you'll grow
as every cells in your system produce million others
maybe i weren't wrong
doesn't mean i'm right
there's just two sides of a coin
you'll just have to pick
the head or the tail
so is it all echoes?
the ghost of history
my reflection stands in pause
i'm just a zillion from moving
in a blink i'm brand new

ume no otoko

2007-04-20T16:42:00.000+07:00

man of my life
i've met so many
one is the sunrise early my days
first of warmth of his rays
he as the heat that stings
and made my youth clings
one is the coincidence
once in three years
we met in accident
and so we're together by accident
two are the first time
my first time in something
they are first of first
things at the time i can't preserve
one is the bulk
a temptation bulge
slight of passion forbid
only in that very slight
one is typically me
that caught my sight in glance
that stir my stream into him
and drain me away easily
vaporing regrets he is to me
one is a loving brother
the love of his is unbearable
always there and always care
it was me that threw him over
one is the horse
as crowned one he roars
moved me with his empathy
divorced me with indecency
one is my longest chase
the one i didn't haste
the one i wait and appraise
worth a price of truth undisguised
one is the innocent
looks stupid and decent
until the dark side revealed
he remained calm and veiled
one is the red light district
one to avoid but unavoidable
with pheromones that excessive
something in him that addictive
one is that somewhat younger
somewhat me
somewhat that one
somewhat i still can't figure it out
one is neon ballroom decoration
twinkle twinkle in the dark
glittery in spark
wonder boy of this and that
i'm looking forward to see
the new one
the one and only

feeling fine

2007-04-20T16:35:00.000+07:00

your smell is contagious
the smell that prevent me to
promptly change my clothes to
keep everything intact
reciting that whole evening

a hint of manly pheromones
out in the air
smell of your fragrance signature
overwhelming
scent that leaves me feeling posessed
vacant, empty
snapped away your hidden chemistry
i'm on a high
mesmerizing, reminiscing
the day i'll be seing you

not knowing i'm tangled
but indeed i enjoy your company
it's bad enough to have you by my side
everytime i want you to
and i know you're someone to be with
so i thank you

wasn't there while i was and was there while i wasn't

2007-03-26T10:06:00.000+07:00

menjawab postingan terdahulu "to be or not to be"
the answer was "not to be"
he didn't show up last week, his band cancelled. ah (relieved and dissapointed at the same time)
aaand...
he performed yesterday, new vocils. not as good as former one, and he looks worse?
that's what Picink reported to me :D
teehee,,and that somehow makes me feel lot better.
much better since I captured a picture taken by his girlfriend -not lover, she's just a girl and currently his friend but the girl is waiting for around two years to be his lover but up 'till now they're still friends- of them both in it.
that makes me feel terrible cause he is so damn hawt there, asses...
i feel lucky cause she is not that goodlooking as he is or i'll get even more jealous haha.
gee,,am i posessed? naaah,,you wish
and the conclusion? i still have my last chance, third times eh?
we'll see about that xD

Uninvited

2007-03-26T09:42:00.000+07:00

Current Mood :
sakit perut(kebanyakan makan mungkin)

Monday bloody monday,
some news..apparently our homework is not finished yet.
I'm sorry guys I didn't join yesterday's discussion group,
while actually I could but I already had an appointment.
So instead, saya pergi ke PIM2 untuk kencan bersama Abjad.
Fufufufufu,,
my remedy because I didn't make it to Jtopia event last Saturday.
We were hanging around for about 4 hours only,
after Bakmi GM, 300, some ice cream scopes, and comics
then I got home almost at 6pm.
:D
Then something unussual happened.
My youngest sister was invited to her friend's birthday,
since her other friends couldn't come she asked her birthday friend
if her two lovely sisters could come and her birthday friend said yes.
So I came, Maya came too. We were almost totally dressed up.
When when got to the celebration, it didn't really look like a celebration.
Ok, there were balloons but almost no people except some family members.
And uhm, we waited for one and half an hour for people to come.
Boooring,,my sisters totally well most of times neglect me
so I ordered foods, I ate, I read
but I needed to talk.
Siaalll,,
Then I received short message, Picink!
Aha salvation,,
now I can reply to his sms since i got my pulse restored.
Few replies and then oh it's almost midnite,
birthday cake! Finally...yesss
it's tiramisuuu, lurveee it!
Then I asked my mom to pick us up.
hehehe,,mission accomplished.
Thank you Lea, Happy birthday girl!
Thanks Chez Dian, for ..err.. delicious food(?)
and Jesslyn Cakes for wonderful tiramisu cake.

Now back to real life,,harus kuliah jam 1
uuh malesnya!

only a brief of moment

2007-03-21T09:39:00.001+07:00

phew,,i'm tired.
and because i'm tired i'm gonna post in indonesian saja.
hehehe,,piss ah.
jadi ceritanya kemaren tuh hari pertama kuliah setelah long weekend (5 hari bung!)
dimana pada saat long weekend itu saya memutuskan untuk mengunjungi bandung,
yeahh....
lalu ya, jadi saya nebeng mobil bung arya bersama willy dan teman saya acu sharee aka sari.
kami berangkat setelah kuliah panjang di hari kamis berakhir,
setelah melalui segala kemacetan kota jakarta, menghadapi kelaparan dengan cara mengemil sepanjang jalan, menembus jalan tol dengan manuver2 ala bung arya, akhirnya kami memutuskan untuk berhenti di salah satu rest area di jalan tol tersebut karena bung arya harus ke kamar kecil. jadi sembari menunggu bung arya ke kamar ketjil, kami bertiga memutuskan untuk memesan kudapan di kfc.
yumm,,
lalu setelah itu perjalanan dilanjutkan kembali.
tak dirasa tak dinyana sebelum sempat saya memejamkan mata untuk tidur karena ngantuk, ternyata kami sudah sampai ke gerbang tol pasteur.
wah, bandung !
tak disangka cepat sekali sodara2,
nah karena sudah malam kami langsung menuju ke arah setra sari untuk mengantarkan saudara willy pulang ke rumahnya dengan selamat.
disana kami disambut keluarganya yang diwakili oleh sang kepala keluarga,
setelah mendapatkan refill air putih gratis kami undur diri.
satu teman seperjuangan telah berhasil pulang, tinggal kami bertiga di dalam mobil.
tujuan berikut adalah mengantarkan acu ke kostan karin, dimana dia akan menginap.
karena tampaknya kostan karin adalah tempat yang menggiurkan untuk menginap
(mengingat saya, acu, dan karin punya banyak kesamaan hobi dalam maksiat)
maka saya pun tergugah untuk ikut menginap di tempat karin. maka diputuskan saat itu juga bahwa saya akan menginap disana, mengganti keputusan terdahulu yaitu menginap di kostan keni.
perjalanan yang melelahkan tapi tak memutuskan semangat bung arya untuk apel kepada pacarnya. setelah mengantarkan kami selamat sampai tujuan, bung arya mohon diri. berakhirlah cerita perjuangan bersama kami.

malam pertama di bandung,
walaupun sudah lumayan lelah tetapi entah kenapa kami tetap bersemangat untuk mengobrol dengan topik yang tidak jauh dari yaoi, fanservice, dan pria2 jalang yang menjajah hidup kami.
sampai larut dini akhirnya kami memutuskan untuk beristirahat.
hari pertama di bandung,
acu mengidam clemens, jadi kami lunch di sentra kampus. ya ampuun,,
hasil diskusi semalam membuat kami ingin pergi ke hanamachi alias kota kembang untuk segera memiliki film2 fotokopi dengan pria2 cucok dan adegan yang aaah.
hasilnya : princess2, kizarazu cat's eye, nodame cantabile, dan antique.
kembali dari hanamachi, kami melanjutkan perjalanan menuju ke gonzo sembari menanti musume membuka pintunya pada pengunjung.
ternyata di gonzo saya dan karin mengalami clbk terhadap pria2 dari news, alhasil kami menonton kisah2 perjuangan mereka di masa lalu selama satu jam saja dan berakhir dengan mengantongi 2cd news 03-04 tersebut.
hiks,,dompetku tersabotase hari ini.
lanjut ke musume, ahh ternyata para anak nongkrong sudah kembali memenuhi teras depan dengan haha hihinya masing2. tak berapa lama kami duduk di dalam, bung picink datang dengan wajah suram. ternyata hardisk komputernya bermasalah sehingga databank lagunya hilang semua, tak terselamatkan. hanya tinggal beberapa yang sempat dipindahkan ke dalam laptop saja. setelah bung picink meletakkan laptopnya di atas meja kas dengan cantik, karin tertarik untuk mencatut beberapa lelaguan. akhirnya berlanjut dengan percakapan panjang tentang musisi2 yang belum awam dan kami bertiga memiliki banyak kesamaan yang terpendam.
hari semakin gelap, kami harus pulang ke kostan karin karena keterbatasan angkutan.
sesampainya kami melanjutkan diskusi malam kemarin dibumbui dengan kelakuan2 pedofil tuan rumah dan reality show2 pria2 om jon, serta nasi goreng ala karin yang setengah mateng.
hari kedua di bandung,
acu sebagai menejer yang baik ingin menonton anak2nya latihan di studio sebelum mereka perform esok harinya di event shinobi.
saya dan karin ingin menonton paris je t'aime di blitz paris van java. saya mengajak teman2 yang lain seperti ge, picink, dan keni. tetapi keni tdk membalas sms saya, picink tidak jelas moodnya, dan ge akan menemui kami di blitz jam 2.
sesampainya di blitz, ternyata filmnya baru mulai jam 5. sembari menuggu kabar dari ge, kami berkeliling keliling keliling lalu memutuskan makan di a&w. ternyata hp saya tidak dapat sinyal, ketika kami kembali ke permukaan saya dapat 5 sms dari ge. ternyata di sudah ada di pvj sejak lama, akhirnya kami bertemu dengannya di karla butik.
waktunya untuk membeli tiket, stlh muter2 ga penting, balik lagi ke blitz.
paris je t'aimeeeee,,suki desu.
waktunya untuk pulang, karin dijemput abangnya fandy yang merupakan teman sma saya.
kami diantar ke hkbp, currently the hippest part of bandung you know, untuk bertemu tari dan muti karena malam ini saya menginap di rumah mereka.
sampai di rumah tari, sudah malam, sudah capek, tinggal tidur.
yiihhaaa,,
hari ketiga di bandung,
seharusnya saya kembali ke jakarta hari ini tetapi saya harus bertemu tuan/nyonya hans untuk membahas masalah kontrak musume. kami memutuskan untuk tidak memperpanjang kontrak karena tempatnya tidak kelihatan sama sekali jika orang2 melewatinya.
lalu kami ke la diva, saya cuci blow dan tari merequest mas ajat untuk memotong rambutnya.
ternyata bandung macet sekali, saya terpaksa harus memundurkan jam keberangkatan dengan citi trans dua kali, dari jam 4 menjadi jam 5 dan akhirnya pukul 5 tepat kami terjebat macet di siliwangi sehingga saya terpaksa ikut keberangkatan jam 6.
pheww,, akhirnya saya pulang ke jakarta setelah kiss bye bye bye to tari and ge.
mungkin macet mungkin enggak, saya nggak nyadar juga karena saya tidur dur dur,,
sampai di fatmawati saya dijemput oleh kedua orangtua saya.
lalu saya pulang kembali ke rumah, makan malam, tidur.
besoknya,
rencana kerja kelompok jam 9 pagi di hari libur.
teboi baru datang jam setengah 10. dia membawa filnynya, saya hendak mengeprin.
tetapi komputernya tdk mau nyala, restart melulu.
saya stress, saya pindahkan printer ke kamar saya, tetapi filenya tidak bisa dibaca.
saya utus teboi dan malvin untuk membeli adobe di itc fatmawati sementara saya dan luki ngadem de dalam kamar.
akhirnyaaaaa,,kerja kelompok,,makan siang,,lanjut lagi.malvin pulang-kami selesai-kami main family feud atas nama keluarga tebby bebby.
kami menang, teboi dan luki pulang.
hari yang panjang dan melelahkan.
lalu besoknya adalah kemarin,
kuliah akuntansi...janji teboi tinggal janji
okay sekali lagi dia tidak menjemputku, tetapi tenang ada bung banggas
kami berangkat, hampir sampai, teboi menelvon, dia sudah di jalan, "jangan jemput gw, gw udah berangkat", kami melihat erika di jalan, "erika, ayo berangkat bareng", lalu kami mencari jalan pintas ke kampus, eng ing eng sampai di sebelah prasetiya mulya pada pukul 8.15. di tempat parkir,, eng ing eng ada si teboi hahaha
ternyata dia kurang tidur semalam, jadi tidak mandi hari ini dan terbukti sepanjang hari dia sebal dan menyebalkan hahaha
kuliah, kerja kelompok, pulang
ohya, kami pulang nebeng banggas lagi!
sekian.

pms

2007-03-14T17:06:00.000+07:00

mood : poetic chaotic
bgm : kukuruyuk keroncong by orkes perut

stress,
perasaanku hari ini gundah
sudah berapa kali aku telan ludah
duduk gelisah tidur pun resah
jalanku tak terarah,aku lelah
aargh,
sakit kepalaku akibat mencium bau racun pembasmi serangga
mungkin kalau yang kucium itu bau lem aku sudah bisa cengo'
seperti orang dongo'
aduh duniaku sedang menggila
tapi gila bukan lagi yang kurasa
melainkan rasa lapar yang meraja
aku tak kuasa menahan rasa ini
rasa rindu yang tak tertahan sepi
maka aku bilang pada sabar
tolong buatkan aku makanan
menimbun lemak buatku tenang
oh hormon estrogen yang malang
kau ciptakan monster pemangsa yang binal
manis gula yang kuteguk bikin aku sakit ginjal
kini kutunggu setumpuk gorengan untuk matang
kolesterol darah tinggi dan asam urat menantang
tapi aku tangguhkan dulu pertarungan melawan mereka
hidup sehat memang cita-cita tapi apa daya aku tak kuasa
musuh terbesarku adalah diriku sendiri
terutama di hari-hari H ketika aku menghitung hari
di satu saat di kala yang tepat ketika insiden itu terjadi
semua orang mungkin begini ketika sedang menstruasi

sial gw belum dapet ajaaa...

to be or not to be

2007-03-14T17:00:00.000+07:00

gyaah,,another midday lightning strucks
why?
well i'm happy to be able to spend this weekend in Bandung
i plan to be with my friends that i haven't seen in a while
and you know what?
he's going to be there too,,
to be with my friends
same plan at the exactly same time
when all these times we're living the same Jakarta
and succesfully manage not to meet each other up till a year programme
until suddenly this accident happen,
well hey i can always cancel my depart
i'm not in Bandung yet
i can avoid seeing him
although it is as childish as it sounds
but no i can't be such big baby
i shouldn't cause i no longer wear diapers
it's just that i always have a thing about him
that's get a hold of me like i don't let go
though i did,it just never leave it's place
the best way out for now is avoiding him
but then..i have to see him
it looks like obligated to
but i'm in need to do so,
i'm dying after twice cancelation on date appointment
"thirds time a charm"
just like what luki said :
"it's not that i can't live without him,i just don't wan't 2"
because i'm struggling underneath
this disguised battle of yes and no
i want to neglect every facts i know about him
because
i know i don't want to live without those things
it doesn't matter anymore
i don't live by those things
nowadays,it just comes up
sometimes
just sometimes
just when i feel like i don't look good
and i don't feel good at all
just when i'm about to ignore physical things
and when it comes to this significant guy
i want to look good, cause he's always looking so good
i want to feel good, as good as he is
the point is just to make myself equal to him
equal enough to get him around to notice me
not like he didn't but he didn't do much of it
what i need is more more and more of it
c'est comme une privilege
un don du ciel
qu'on ne prends qu'ene fois
un tendre privilege
un passe droit juste entre toi et moi
tu es mon privilege
celui que je n'oublierai pas
and now comes this "coincidence"
how could this happen?
is it fate? i don't believe in such things called coincidence
everything happens for a reason
shit like this happens for a reason too
what the reason is,i still haven't figure out just yet
i just don't want this "coincidence" to be my charm
it's unplanned,is it god's plan?perhaps..
for me my third chance is my last chance
if it fails then it's all over not doing over,,
it ends there.period.somehow i'm not ready
,,although this pact is made by me for me
to be or not to be
the question is on me
??

happy tree friends

2007-03-14T08:46:00.000+07:00

hoaahm,,i'm free today.no class.
so i just stay at home i guess, doing some reading.
yah so yesterday was fuuuuun,
i never thought i would be doing all this
-we had lunch at driver canteen, then we tagged along and go all wild in timezone,
we went to cinema for chick movie, and for closing of the day back to campus
and hanged there chit and chat unnecessarily important-
with my half of my classmates of prasetiya mulya magister of management,
at first i thought, just like all my new friends thought of each other,
they would and will be, like they would be all that, sophisticated students,
high-class lifestyle, high-end technology and all hip and glam and fabulous looks,
stiff serious humorless don't bother mingling attitude,
but in fact..they're all modest, down to earth, and extremely friendly.
i'm lucky to meet these kind of people i guess, thank god.
i'm going to miss these days i realized it.
so anyway, this weekend i'm off for bandung!
and that means tomorrow!i better be ready,yippee,,

saturday night

2007-03-11T11:45:00.000+07:00

yoooiy..

yesterday was an usual saturday in this hip city jakarta
my dear classmates turning out friends were meeting up at my house
it was unplanly planned and just a little late in time
so after all 5 gathered around ehm 9.30pm
-i told my dad i about to go around 8pm, but hey that's life in jakarta
stolen time by traffics and so on and so on, and you can no longer complain about how they arrived sooo late-
and so we went out, to find a good spot
somewhere to ear around and hang around,
and the award goes tooo..
what was the place called again?
somewhere nearby radio dalam's burger&grill
so we parked, we sat, we chat, talked about nearly everything
at past midnite already, phew 1am
now i finally taste a jakartan's nightlife teehee
and for a newbie like me, i'd better be home
so yes, they drove me home :D wonderful guys aren't they?
they came and picked me up and they drove me home safely.

so,
yesterday was my first saturday night out in jakarta
with teboi,luki,arya,malvin,andi,and erik
thanks guy...you make my day and night so much fun
it didn't end up in hypnotherapy nor heart-pouring one
but it was a loud and tiring one
and it's about to be a habit
hehe..

sunday morning

2007-03-10T15:47:00.000+07:00

horeee,,i have a new and still shiny driving lisence! yippie,,now i can drive legally ;D

!!!

beginning of a habit : perpetual method

2007-03-09T16:10:00.000+07:00

Maan,,
Yesterday was dull...
it started a night before, didn't know why i got the headache
then i woke up late with panda eyes and heavy head
rushing up missing my breakfast walk very quickly
waiting for the bus anxiously
arrived a bit late than usual -hey, i'm not used being late-
the day was all gloomy, there's like a dark clouds hanging above prasetiya mulya that day
and everyone shares the same feeling dood
it wasn't just me, my classmates felt like unrest
faculty member didn't feel well either
classes sucked out my brain, what was the lessons all about?
shit maaan..i don't get it at all!
and just right after the break of the first session
everyone wanted just to fast forward to lunch
and hey-wait a minute there-
it's the Management Society member, barked through our door
and we were locked up unpatiently there for half an hour waste of lunchtime,
to hear explanation about campus life etc etc etc,
boring? not exactly, hungry? definitely..
after all said by means, hurried to cafetaria wasn't much fun either
didn't enjoy the queueing, i was being lined up long enough
doood...almost non conversational lunch ever
we were nagging nagging nagging how dull that day was
and no, it didn't end there just yet. how sucksss,,
after luch, another class session and oh we were fucking late
and the faculty member was sitting there with unfriendly looks
almost hatred stare to us and mercilessly gave pop 10 minutes quiz -biatch-
and hell yeah,,i didn't even know what the question was
lick my ass you cunt, i screwed up goddamnit!
i didn't even write the correct formula you asshole
shit maan i started to feel like smoking and punching people
holly crap i needed to inhale some smoookey, almost erupted
so yea yea,,after class after groupmaking -not lovemaking- how shamefull
i did smoooooking teehee,badhabitdieshard,
mingled pointlessly around in the hallway
decided to go watch the guys and their futsal games
gossiped around the ladies, and got better around dinner
aha! loud noises were extremely effective to eliminate those ghostly feelings
my thought were finally reset almost liven up
but maaan, t'was freaking tiring day

100 random things about me

2007-03-07T18:43:00.000+07:00

blind monolog :
what am i ?
only human
who am i ?
just an ordinary girl

it's plain and boring. don't you think?
pfft,,like a balloon out of gas.
i really begin to think that my personality shrinks.
as i experienced so much more, what's inside me gets smaller and smaller.
i can no longer measure the depth of me.
as a formal scorpion, we're known for the depth of our soul.
and i'm a proud scorpion, so where is it now?
i'm not so sure anymore, my egological somewhat altered.

1.i'm used to think i am special
2.i know i am better than anyone else, yea right..
3.i have something more, always
4.i am the best to have around, in like no way
5.things are deep and complicated with me,
it's time to simplify
6.please don't surprise me with uncertainty, it'll drive me insane
7.please don't tell me to wait, i'll go anxious and grow curious
8.definitely definite, no promises for vain
9.if you won't give me exact example, i'll guaranty you
with 10 prominent worst things could happen
10.i'm a master of excuses
11.go fuck yourself
12.i'll get what i want when i want it, no point in lining-up
but i gain too much patience now
13.yes, that means i'm a vicious hunter
14.oh please, i'll hurt you with devious words, no need asking
15.it's obvious with me, i can't pretend
16.smart-ass is my best feature for vengeance
17.treat me nice and i'll treat you nicer,, when i need you
18.all of you just my petty criminal
19.i'm calm and confident but you don't wanna be around me when i explode
20.backstabber? a sounds alike idiom
21.dare to be troubled? hell yeah, bring it on
22.somewhat peculiar is one helpful trait to be centered
23.i'd like things to be arranged and oredered first, no scrambling me around
24.love me love me cause i'm lovable,,teehee,,love to be loved
25.maybe i'm not telling you but i'm going to show you 'cuz
26.action speaks louder than words
27.second chance is for friends only
28.play it nice, play it wise
29.truth hurts but that's what i like doing
30.i'm steady as the wind blows, bring barometer next time
31.when you're tied up in some dark room, don't come crying for me ok?
like i care
32.driffs draffs, cut to the end. what was the point?
33.do your best while you still have time doing it.
i don't like looking back to the past and regretting
34.what's done is done. care for another try?
in games maybe,,
35.i fix what's need to be fixed. another things broken,
find another person to fix it.
36.be aggresive, be mean, be greedy, be exaggerate
= be passionate
37.colorful lies to imply the black and white truth?
anybody but me
38.silence is golden baby
39.do what you want not what they tell you to
40.i'ts the same with living your own life not others
41.harsh,, harsh,, i am raw.
42.i care about me and only me :D
43.decency is what i have not
44.mind your own business, back of you nosy
45.you better learn mind-reading, you'll need it to deal
..with me
46.watch that stare, you're such an understated, get it?
47.i have no time to nod up and say hello
48.it's not my purpose to be lazy, i'm just enjoying my time
49.i'm a superjoy, a person who really love this life as
a vivid image
50.i can inspire you so follow me
51.globally changing, don't you just stuck in that moment
52.life goes on, haven't you heard enough?
53."what can kill you, makes you stronger"
a fighter like christina said
54.drastic dramatic
55.tears are easy to produce, so much drama ini me
56.ups and downs, highs and lows, i'm a rollercoaster ride
57.more more mooore,somewhat addictive ;D
moan baby moan
58.seductive/provocative/trouble maker? same meaning
59.there's a fix monotone part, static as the metronome ticks
60.you can say what's on me eclectical,, because my core is fixed
61.don't judge a book by it's cover. lame?
well, time changes. what's used to be good is not so good anymore
62.the worlds used to spin around me, it's not like that anymore
63.i take time to think and wait, patient contradiction!
64.i am not that special, just a mediocre..corrected..
65.boasting and bragging is not that fun anymore
66.strongwilled, with a point
67.don't just give, take..
68.you can't lose what you never had
69.what you need maybe just around the corner,
all you need to do is just turn your head around
70.happiness waving for you but you can't see it because
you don't want to
71.just a little effort matters, what's small to you maybe big to other
72.pride is a virtue
73.being nice is no nonsense.
sometimes talking nonsense is a nice thing to do haha
74.don't think to prejudice, nothing good will gain
75.love is not blind
if you let your mind leads your heart where to go :D
76.against all odds is currently a life's track
77.being extraordinary takes extra attempt
78.practice makes perfect
79.don't think you know, 'cause nothing finite
80.everyone deserves a second chance, including you
81.happiness isn't what you buy it's something you make
82.there's good in anyone eventhough it's different in size
83.no pain no gain, concurrenttt
84.twice harder, twice better gt loh
85.practice makes perfect maaan
86.the smooth criminal
87.someone not to mess around
88.knowledge = money = power
"knowledge is power but character is more"?
i'll add money for everything
89.liberal plus concervative, care nontheless? byfar...not ortodoks
90.love being sarcastic
91.cheap not easy.
you know what tori says, assholes are cheap today
cheaper than yesterday
92.i am bipolar xD dualism controversy of this and that
93.just do what i told you, catch & go
94.you shouldn't let gooo of me
95.i like things to be done quickly,
geez..such an instant generation
96.cynical and skeptical, something i would and wouldn't
97.stoopidly pacified
98.a growing bud? i'm nurturing a future me
99.perfectly imperfect perfection trying to be perfectionist,
or just trying so
100.boys a/be-ware!
no you don't need sign for that

...finally...

2007-03-07T17:53:00.000+07:00

yesss akhirnya gw bisa posting setelah bbrp hari vakum,koneksi error,yoshhh!

new entries

2007-03-07T17:47:00.000+07:00

Yatta,,

i have so much fun today,
though it was just doing homework for accounting with my teammates
(our classes divided into 6 team, we are team number 4,
chinese belief that it's a sacred number xD)

for student with different background education like me
(formerly studying architecture,man it's technic!),
it's a sacrifice to understand accounting and to really know it's
basic meaning and function.
but after one night effort, it's slowly comprehended..
i'm slowly getting it chapter by chapter yea yea..
maybe i'm just being exaggerating,
but i need to put extra strength to this self study attitude

and afterall
-after lunch, smoking breaks for the guys,
juicy gossips between ladies,
and some ice cream for desserts-
we were really enjoying open discussion,
it's been a while since i execute brainstorming program to work out,
well it's about time.
and so, our homework is done -for now-
fyuuh..

Yatta,,

i feel developing chemistries between the seven of us,
in a friendly type of way of course.
things are about to begin, full of excitement i hope :D
so, i'll be looking forward for this weekend.
wonder what our saturday night out will turn out to be,
a hipnotherapy session or a heart pouring one n_n

sadame

2007-03-07T13:06:00.000+07:00

Mood : Nostalgic
BGM : Dong Bang Shin Ki - One

i'm finally home
living with my family
under the same roof
where i have one room for myself

at this time of age
where my friends -some of them- races to escape their parents
as growing birds leaving their nest
flying for freedom elsewhere without their presence being watched,
me in exchange, arrive from my departed.
i was once freed
a very young bird, i left my nest in a very young age
and it was never planned

..remininscing of midsummer 1998..
it was one peaceful day during a family trip to bandung.
me and my sisters were there for the very first time.
it was just an ussual vacation,
until suddenly my dad announced that i got accepted in that well known "top mark" highschool there, smun 3 bandung.
so, without preparation my family trip turned out to be an initial separation.
after they found a place for me to live in -it was in a house with rooms for rent, side by side with our neighbour smun 5, with its landlord living there too- they bid farewell, and that's it..
next thing i know, i stayed in an empty room with temporary furniture and a few clothings served for the trip.
ok, so i got the biggest room in that house and the most expensive too.yeah...good enough.
my dad left me a cellphone -motorola initial series, dunno which one, forgot it already xP- it was quite stylish for highschool student at that moment, well compared to nowadays phew..
a few days later, i found my things wrapped inside boxes delivered to my new address.
how i felt? first i was shocked of course, a bit choked either.
really, my adrenaline pumped harder and i almost ran out of sweat.
scared shits out of me though some bigger part of me scream happily "i'm free! i'm free!"
okay i cleaned up the room, arranged my stuffs, and after all done there were like zillions of suspemded thoughts and questions popped out,
"what should i do?","how should i live in this place?","i have no friends","would the maids wash my undergarments too?","where should i shop for groceries?","i have no direction in this city","what direction of public transport should i take?","where is where?","what if there's mice under my cupboard?",yada yada yada...
after ten thousands questions per milisecond thinking speed capacity, i decided to knock the room next door.
someone opened it, she was a girl "hi, i'm tya. i just moved here today"
how was that for introduction? not bad, eh..
she stares in silence for a second then let me in to her room, there was another person in that room, later i know that other person was the girl's mother :D after that first line, she told me her name, her age -that she was older than me-, and every other things i need to know.
thank god, that was my first attempt on surviving and i succeed in making friends.
i guess i found a new skill developed in me teehee :D
such a softskill eh? yeah, it's not so easy to master it though hehe..
it took years for me to eventually got used to living by myself alone, you know, to be able to manage yourself into that healthy-living-by-yourself habit.

now, back in current time and place..
jakarta, early months of 2007.
it's not the city where i was born in.
but since my parents transferred for their jobs, my family moved here by the year of 2000.
after such a long and painful -it's not that i've never been happy, it's just not that easy- journey during times of separation, i finally fly home :D
it was of fate, as it's never planned either
just about time to come back home.
i never realized how comfy it was to be with your blood relatives, i never have to feel alone, i'll always have my sisters besides me.
yes, they're such a remedy to me.
i really had no idea how much they mean to me.
now that i'm here with them, i can remember how it feels like to really treasure moments like togetherness.
oh well, don't get me wrong here, i have memories of being together with my friends -mostly unforgettable- but it's something different. i'll share them with you later :D
it's like what they said "blood is thicker than water"
but of course, i'll have to endure my dad once again without being so stubborn and rebelious like i once was haha,,

o happy day..

2007-03-01T17:16:00.000+07:00

Mood : Feel Good
BGM : Mew - Beautiful Balloon

kyou wa tanoshikatta,,

07.33 am. i started walking. amazingly unbelievable, today feels different. i actually enjoyed jakarta's weather this morning. the sky was bright with a glimpse of clouds hanging there. it was a beautiful blue colour with a silhouette of white. i walk past through trees and there's a hint of rays drop lovely gestures of reflected branches. i kinda felt a wind breezes pass through me, gives a little morning chill. i almost heard birds singing on my mind. so much to boost up my mood. ready for today!
something i thought i would've never find in this city. maybe it's my new routine that currently sets me up to that rare chance of a lifetime -actually enjoying jakarta's weather even just for a moment-, or it's just something i never realize before. slips off my mind just like that because i didn't notice. whatsoever, today was really really unpredictable. and i love it.

,,i'll be longing for today when everythings get rough.

Aishiteruuu

2007-02-28T16:00:00.000+07:00

Yosh,, finally i have some time to spare to upload these pictures.
Taken last sunday, february 25 of 2007 @ JACC.

title from upper to lower pics :

me and "girlie" abjad
wita and anggi (kimochi)
me and picink (disorder)
me and nacchu (shiroi hana)
me and veys (shiroi hana)

This is my "phenomenal" uggs boot, everytime i wear the pair it's like some stranger come to me out of the blue and asked where did i buy it "cause it's just so cuuute".
Hail me and my fashion-forward-naturelle-
instinct, it's like a magnet that draws people into that oh-super-kawaii.That means super cute in japanese.
And oh,in case you didn't notice what i was wearing that day.I wore pink -nah- fuschia colored shirt,
rainbow colored green-orange-purple-and i don't notice what else since there's just too much color flowy skirt,
blue bolero.
That way of dressing up really really effective to get people nod at you, thinking "wow you're so bright, you nearly blind me eyes".
Picink even said "hey you, vietnamese look alike girl"yada yada..i didn't know that there is this ethnic tribe in vietnam which girls wear multicolored fabric like mine :D
And off the record, i met him again! who is he? some guy with some plump asses! nice,,tease me to snap and spank him xD

awake

2007-02-26T19:19:00.000+07:00

tiring weekend,,
i have some stories,but i'm keeping it for next time :D

and oh,what a day!
back to real life,after such long time hibernating...
new classes,new friends,new tasks
start all new,all out?

luckily on this monday,and every other monday will be for 2 months from now,
my class start right after lunch.
i don't need to get up that early and scream "oh i hate monday"
heehee...back on daily basis
means a lightning strucks on midday
changing repertoire from super lazy to super diligent
can i do that?
god, i have to do that
anyway,it's just getting started
and about to get worse...yay!
so i'm gonna go home early while i still can :p
not a good conclusion eh?

about new friends?
working on it,,know some and still some more to explore
about new classes?
speedy,in a day we're like skipping two chapter in a row
phew...barely make it
i need to catch up that roadrunner
be there,beware,and be all set
and umm,there's so many other things to do
so,i'll be running first
catch y'all later!
peace out,,,

three peace

2007-02-23T14:34:00.000+07:00

takashi tsukamoto (japan)

wu chun from fahrenheit (taiwan)

hangeng or han kyung from super junior (korea)

fufufufufu,,,
i realize something similar between those 3 person
i dunno which part
but they're adorable

yume no otoko

I ♥ them!
go boys

anego

2007-02-23T14:05:00.000+07:00

Mood : So-so
BGM : Tori Amos - the Beekeeper

I just finished watching this dorama titled Anego
Anego is a very interesting character
..yasashii onna

anego

she is afraid being disliked by others,
she developed high tolerancy for others
she is always there to help people solve their problems
lending her ears, spare them some times
she puts an effort to it
she's a hero for others
"a woman of fate" they say
she's figthing for others happiness
but she never after what's hers
pretending she's ok, that she's alright
she always is a cool person to rely on
she can always makes things right
she's always busy with other people's life
that become her life
she is so reliable that people easily take her for granted
and she has no more time for herself
nor someone who she can rely on
so little time left, and she's getting old
by the age of 33 she realized that
she never really have what she wants
and her life's getting tiring, sad, and lonely...

no, i'm not like that.
i admire her but,
i don't want to be like that

October 28

2007-02-21T15:56:00.000+07:00

Another quotes from my bulletin :

"Those who born under the month October date 28 are very passionate of acknowledging things, they have great fortune and capable of creating broad networking with the powerful ones, that's how they become popular..."

,,we'll see about that :D

aitai kimi ni

2007-02-21T15:24:00.000+07:00

Mood : Hungry
BGM : Koda Kumi - You

♥

do you know what't the difference between teenager and adult?

teenager don't apologize even if they're wrong,
adult apologize even if they're not wrong.

teenager moves someone by saying i love you,
adult makes someone say i love you.

♥

Quotes taken from JDorama titled Sapuri (Supplement)

♥ ♥

self conscious

2007-02-20T09:56:00.000+07:00

eeh,,pernah denger fall in love and broken heart twice by the same person?

it's going to be my third i guess.yay me!

tahukah anda bahwa fakta membuktikan standar waktu "pacaran" tiap tahun bertambah?
kira2 sampai 3 tahun yang lalu,masa pengenalan dan pendalaman hanya membutuhkan 3-6 bulan
setelah satu tahun bersama dapat dikategorikan sebagai hubungan yang sukses dan lancar alias langgeng
namun entah sejak kapan *saya tidak begitu menyadarinya* kurun waktu tersebut bertambah panjang
tahun2 belakangan ini,masa yang dibutuhkan untuk membina hubungan yang stabil tidak hanya 6 bulan sampai dengan satu tahun tetapi mencapai 1,5 atau 2 thn
a couple nowadays take 2 hours of long term dating *in relationship* mode to be said steady

wow,i'm far behind that dateline

hmmm...come to think of it,
mungkin ada sedikit dampak yang terasa yaitu bertambahnya pula jangka waktu menyukai seseorang
ya, memang kita semua tahu bahwa jatuh cinta hanya membutuhkan satu detik dan bisa membutuhkan selamanya untuk melupakannya
namun, sebelum sampai ke tahap untuk melupakan pasti seseorang berada dalam tahap suka.
soshitte berapa lama orang tersebut bertahan dengan perasaannya?
entah bagaimana perasaan seseorang itu berakhir,
mungkin ia menyatakan perasaannya terhadap sang object of affection,
mungkin juga perasaan itu kandas di tengah jalan karena satu dan lain hal
tetapi,bersinggungan dengan fakta yang telah saya paparkan di atas
nowadays, tampaknya jangka waktu menyukai seseorang itu pun telah bertambah
saya mengenal pasangan yang akhirnya memutuskan untuk menjadi pasangan setelah menjadi teman dekat untuk lebih dari setengah tahun
tidak seperti teman dekat biasa, mereka menjadi teman yang benar-benar dekat *closure zero* yang mungkin disalahpersepsikan, menggunakan istilah sekarang yaitu ttm (teman tapi mesra)
dulu, untuk menyatakan perasaan dapat terjadi begitu cepat
memang sih masih ada pasangan yang mulai pacaran sejak pertama kali bertemu
*saya juga mengenal salah satu dari mereka*
,,tetap saja tampaknya manusia sudah berkembang ke tingakatan yang lebih kompleks dengan banyak tuntutan hidup sehingga untuk benar-benar mengambil keputusan untuk menjalin hubungan pun diliputi berbagai kebimbangan
dan butuh waktu yang lebih lama untuk mengambil keputusan karena lebih banyak yang perlu dipertimbangkan
misalnya, nomor satu mungkin perasaan. this is where chemistry works. tapi dalam hubungan jangka panjang yang modern, orang jaman sekarang tentu mulai memikirkan untuk membina masa depan mulai dari sekarang
pendewasaan diri yang lebih dini *that is* dibutuhkan more than just chemistry to work things out.

ok i fell for him, i don't know we have that chemistry or not but...

nomor dua, pikiran yang logis akan membantu menghasilkan keputusan yang objektif.
dulu, ketika merasa waktunya sudah tepat,seseorang akan buru-buru
*tentu setelah melakukan tahap saling mengenal satu sama lain* menyatakan perasaannya
haha..was it self pity that i'm laughing at?
so anyway, alasan seseorang menyatakan perasaannya ada dua,
pertama karena ia sudah yakin dan kedua karena ia merasa terpaksa.
yakin? yakin bahwa si object of affection merasakan hal yang sama,
terpaksa? why? kan tidak ada yang menyuruhnya untuk menyatakan perasaannya?
tentu saja dirinya sendiri yang memaksakan agar si object of affection itu tahu perasaannya, dengan harapan ia juga merasakan hal yang sama.

,,but i no longer have neither one of two intentions
so, what was the point? where was i heading towards?

you're aware now?
ok, kalau begitu demikian penjabaran saya mengenai fakta-fakta yang saya minati dalam relationships matters.

demikian kata orang, pengalaman adalah istilah yang dipakai untuk setiap kegagalan yang terjadi.

naruhodo, i'm gaining maturity :D teehee

...consolation

2007-02-19T16:20:00.000+07:00

Mood : Love-sick

BGM : Dashboard Confessional - Vindicated

uh,,come to think of what happened
it wasn't really so bad
i was supposed to meet him and his mom
i repeat, yes his mom
so, i guess that was really something wasn't it?

C'est Parfait!

2007-02-19T10:04:00.000+07:00

i was mistaken as a pregnant lady
yes,the same day getting stood up by my date
subarashi!
♥ great ♥
make my day

now you have all your clues :
fact number 1 - i got stood up
fact number 2 - mistaken for being not pregnant
here comes the conclusion :
i looked like a pregnant girl dumped by her unresponsible boyfriend
really really make my day
in this month of love they say
yay

ps :
i you want to laugh harder, you can mail me
i'll give you the details

ri-su-ta-ru-to

2007-02-18T20:43:00.000+07:00

"Ya..i've got so many work to do here at the office,it seems i can't make it there.. i'm sorry ya.. Tya"

wow, i got stood up twice by the same person
first excuse was his paperwork, he was writing his thesis
second excuse was his paperwork ,,again,, now that he has a job
as i expected god damnit
i should've known better
it's impossible to even date him..muri muri dayo!

but i found myself laughing -at myself
it must be his modjo
i'm sort of confused cause..wait,
it must be me, damn me weaklings!
how long will i hold on to this habit?
politely saying "it's ok"
kitto daijoubu (no problem)
ganbatte kudasai (fight!)
matteru yo (i'll wait)
see you next time
JOUDAN JANAI YO
(don't be joking)
!
how can i be so certain
like there's tomorrow
mata ashita (see you tomorrow)?
JOUDAN JANAI YO!
like we'll be together tomorrow or
the next day or the day after tomorrow
or someday in the future
in like forever from now?

demo ne,,
i replied him so
i can always convinced him i'm ok
like we can always see each other
together forever,
like -hell- we're not even together by any means
demo ne,,
i told him akiramete
that means i give up
i was about to write akiramenai though
which means i won't give up
demo ne,,
it's must be fate to mistext him so
i don't think he'll understand anyway
haha
i can always re-start things with him
i did it once
i'm about to do it again

RESTART
risutarto

KITTO DAIJOUBU
this song really tickles me
it's the latest single from arashi
ehm,that matsu jun (see picture from my previous entry below) belongs in this boiband
and it's one of my favourite
and gosh,,read the lyrics :

lucky lucky baby
shigoto wa last no my groove
naka naka baby
kyou wa tanoshii (asa made!)
scrape scrape baby
kimochi wa hachibu me
ii ja nai!waruku nai!
ai ja nai?

which means :

lucky lucky baby
my job is the last of my groove
today, today will be pretty fun baby (until dawn)
scrape, scrape and my emotions are just right
isn't it okay? it's not bad!
isn't it love?

: god,how irritating

Kimi wa Petto

2007-02-17T13:44:00.000+07:00

Mood : Doki doki
BGM : Mew - No Shadow Kick

(it says marie claire july 2006)

my latest *currently 6 months and counting* unofficial craving obsession

object of my fantasies and fanfiction
a combination of
some pretty face he has
some unperfect bad attitude
some sync in common sense
and of course it's his pheromone that keeps me drooling and heart-broken
,,let's say he's -nearly- a dream come true

a little feminine side,
he's highly maintained
he pours out his emotions
capable of consoling and supporting
emotionally balanced, controlled
a good esq that is.

a little something of what i like and what i'm not

now you stir it well, shake 'till they're mixed and bubbled
then you'll have a taste of what he's like
now i know you can't figure it out
but i tell you he tastes a little exotic and fancy of course

after a few big gulps
the leftovers are
uncertainty
for all this time,it's all been dreamy
unsteady
the highs and lows are very drastic
and what to do after it's all said and done
was
the most important waste
soushite,,mirai

!!
and duh,what am i saying here
babbling all over
i got a date tomorrow!
doki doki

Supplement

2007-02-15T19:03:00.000+07:00

first of all
i
am not a person who likes to share
i don't tell people my problems and what troubles me
i
am always keeping it tight inside
i don't believe others perception or advice will help me

i believe i just need a little time to think
a little retreat and it'll be over,
i'll be able to pass and through it
no matter what time heals
and it works for me

a cast from sappuri,ogiwara-kun (played by eita nakayama) said to fujii-san (played by itoh misaki) :
"you always do it all straight,
do what you're expected to, speak no lies, do no tricks
all pure truth
it can always work,people will like you
but isn't a bit lonely?"

it's not his precise words but it's the meaning that i noted
doesn't mean i'm as straight as fuuji-san,
but i kind of understand

in another scene takana mizuho(played by model ryo) said to ogiwara-kun :
"when did you become a good person?
being friendly with your love rival.
(being good) will cost you your pheromone
finally,ogi-sama is losing his popularity
such a shame"
"you're such a meanie", ogiwara said before he left the scene
"let's just say, it's my pheromone", takana-san replied.

she shares my point of view,that takana-san

being mean and wordless,there goes my defences
within the territory,i'm undefeatable
i'll never learn the outside,never had to
lack of care i asleep in the shell

demo ne,,i hear hyde's voice saying
get out from the shell

marathon

2007-02-15T14:27:00.000+07:00

Mood : Cheerful
BGM : Ayumi Hamasaki

Yatta,,

This is lame.This isn't what a blog supposed to be.Is it?
Saa...i'm so excited lately.Because of doramas!
Enough said.

I'm not a movie-addict..
I can't stand being in front of telly,usually..
but when I'm in the mood,I watch 'till drop
huihuihui,,

Here's my list of dorama or movies :

Stand Up!
Hito ni Yasashiku (Be Nice to People)
Ganbatte Ikimashou
Dragon Zakura
Battle Royale I&II
Kindaichi
Yankee Bokou ni Kaeru(Drop-out-teacher Back to School)
Waterboys 2
Gokusen 2
Kamikaze Girls
NANA the movie
Nobuta wo Produce
Kurosagi
Azumi
Attention Please!
Ichi Rittoru no Namida (One Littre of Tears)
My boss my hero
Gyarusa (Gal Circle)
Tiger&Dragon
Taiyou no Uta
Death Note the movie
Shibuya 15
Anego
Sappuri

Wishlist :

Kekkon Dekinai Otoko
Kizarazu Cat's Eye
Teppan Girl
Tokyo Tower
Kimi wa Petto
Swing Girls
Warau Michael
Himitsu no Hanazono
Tsubasa no Orensatachi
Puropozu Daisasuken (Proposal Campaign)
Byakkotai
Gachibaka
Letter from Iwo Jima
Long Love Letter
Sore wa totsuzen Arashi no
Ikebukuro West Gate Park
Lunch Queen

The list is growing for sure,,yeah I'm sure!

speak for yourself

2007-02-15T13:49:00.000+07:00

SILENT ALL THESE YEARS
(Tori Amos)

Excuse me but can I be you for a while
My DOG won't bite if you sit real still
I got the anti-Christ in the kitchen yellin' at me again
Yeah I can hear that

Been saved again by the garbage truck
I got something to say you know but NOTHING comes
Yes I know what you think of me you never shut up
Yeah I can hear that

But what if I'm a mermaid
In these jeans of his with her name still on it
Hey but I don't care
Cause sometimes I said sometimes I hear my voice and it's been
HERE silent all these years

So you found a girl who thinks really deep thoughts
What's so amazing about really deep thoughts
Boy you best pray that I bleed real soon
How's that thought for you

My scream got lost in a paper cup
You think there's a heaven where some screams have gone
I got 25 bucks and a cracker do you think it's enough
To get us there

But what if I'm a mermaid
In these jeans of his with her name still on it
Hey but I don't care
Cause sometimes I said sometimes I hear my voice and it's been
HERE silent all these

Years go by will I still be waiting
For somebody else to understand
Years go by if I'm stripped of my beauty
And the orange clouds raining in my head
Years go by will I choke on my tears
Till finally there is nothing left
One more casualty
You know we're to EASY easy easy

Well I love the way we communicate
Your eyes focus on my funny lip shape
Let's hear what you think of me now but baby don't look up
The sky is falling

Your MOTHER shows up in a nasty dress
It's your turn now to stand where I stand
Everybody lookin' at you here take hold of my hand
Yeah I can hear them

But what if I'm a mermaid
In these jeans of his with her name still on it
Hey but I don't care
Cause sometimes I said sometimes I hear my voice
I hear my voice
I hear my voice
And it's been HERE silent all these years
I've been here silent all these years
Silent all these
Silent all these years

I'm sorry Tori.I copy your song lyrics again.Can't get enough of you,not just yet.
A mermaid?Not so pretty what I am.
But I kept my voice inside a locket,so I can hear it sings.
Like a jukebox,I push and play my favourite thoughts.
I let it discreet.Speak to myself.

I hear my voice and it's been here,silent all these years..

No,it's not that,Immie said..Speak for yourself.

Preface

2007-02-13T23:57:00.000+07:00

"Enjoy the Silence"
(Tori Amos)

Words like violence
Break the silence
Come crashing in
Into my little world

Painful to me
Pierce right through me
Can’t you understand
Oh my little girl

All I ever wanted
All I ever needed
Is here -- in my arms
All I ever wanted
All I ever needed
Is here -- in my arms

Vows are spoken
To be broken
Feelings are intense
Words are trivial
Pleasures remain
So does the pain
Words are meaningless
And unforgettable

All I ever wanted
All I ever needed
Is here -- in my arms
All I ever wanted
All I ever needed
Is here -- in my arms
Words are very unnecessary
They -- can only do harm

Words like violence
Break the silence
Come crashing in
Into my little world

Painful to me
Pierce right through me
Can’t you understand
Oh my little girl

All I ever wanted
All I ever needed
Is here -- in my arms
All I ever wanted
All I ever needed
Is here -- in my arms

Vows are spoken
To be broken
Feelings are intense
Words are trivial
Pleasures remain
So does the pain
Words are meaningless
And -- forgettable

All I ever wanted
All I ever needed
Is here -- in my arms
All I ever wanted
All I ever needed
Is here -- in my arms
All I ever wanted
All I ever needed
Is here -- in my arms
Words are very unnecessary
They -- can only do harm
Can only do harm

I'm not good with words.I prefer to be silent.
"Silence is golden" They say.
Oh, is it?
Instead the warmth of what words can bring,I'm as cold as this silence.
Like Darren says,
"More than angry words I hate this silence, it's getting so loud"
This silence is breaking out,
and so do I.